Who To Be, Tis the Question

Q&A a Day: Who do you want to be? everyone, but especially myself.

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The girl:
in the striped skirt staring at the super blue blood moon.

in the sauna, meditating in the dark, when her morning alarm goes off.

in the gym listening to music on the elliptical and watching the news.

in the store pushing the cart while her husband fills it with veggies.

who shares a banana-coffee w/brownie ice cream with her husband.

who paddle boards all afternoon, because it’s low tide on her day off.

who eats a quinoa burger for dinner, with fries instead of salad.

I want to be the person who listens, understands, and cares; who doesn’t judge, but helps people realize who they are and to accept and love all that they may be; and take every chance to learn and expand the possibilities of my mind. I want to make the most of my time, however I choose to define it, and help others to do the same.

 

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To Forget or Not, Tis the Question

Q&A a Day: What do you want to forget? Times when people were mean to me, but to remember the lessons learned from the situations. I forget enough that I want to work on increasing my memory or remain busy filling it with new ideas, dreams, and goals.

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pre super blue blood moon sunset

As this semester starts, I need to set three smart goals to accomplish during my internship. I’m having trouble as I continue to get more opportunities than I thought I would. I’m not complaining and appreciate the learning experience and know these moments will set me up for future success.

I have a sub for the first month of classes while the professor is on maternity leave and he released us an hour early today from my Special Populations class. This allowed me to get to the elementary school early and assist with the kindergarten mid-term. I did the second-third grade class solo while the boss was in a meeting and the new intern helping the other guy with the first graders.

 

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Teavee the TV Monster

Q&A a Day: What was the last TV show you watched? Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce; a recommendation for comedy, though stand-up delivers more laughs.

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Caleb wished me well to work this morning, but I was only going to the gym. He got home from his appointment and we joined Fallon for breakfast at The Wave Cafe.

Waiting for class and I said I wanted something and a classmate joked, “Okay, Veruca” and I thought it perfect timing as I just finished reading the book.

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Gave third graders a mid-term today and am enjoying grading them because I can see they’re learning and their answers make me smile.

Tonight’s reading will consist of ACSM’s Exercise Management for Persons with Chronic Diseases and Disabilities and ACE Personal Trainer Manual. 

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Home Is Where I Sleep

Q&A a Day: How do you describe home? The old busted place on the corner.

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When we first moved here in 2012 this place was bigger than we needed, but we had a yard, neighbors, and the beach to keep us busy. We moved to the corner house again in 2016, after a two-year absence, and the floor was water damaged and the yard neglected. The neighbor we liked has passed on, but in his place we have friended a whole family; one whom I played hide-and-seek with and then rode to buy stress chips with.

We live in a two-bedroom house with a single-car garage and a driveway through the backyard. We have two cars, one boat, a grill, a lounge chair, and a dining set outside. The garage houses my bike and paddle board and most of Caleb’s things, minus his clothes. I used to sit in the back bedroom with a view of the backyard, but my blind dogs don’t like being out there as often, so I sit in the living room now (more light too).

The house was built in the 40s, so the kitchen could use some work, but we still have more space than we need otherwise. We haven’t finished hanging our art on the walls, lost a shelf we used to display knickknacks; and left two cabinets, two metal shelves, two desks, a bookshelf, and a free treadmill in Bahrain. We’ve been able to redecorate with new and used furniture, and new trinkets full of memories.

We live less than a mile from the beach and have started growing grass again, but the gophers won’t go away, so the yard is a landmine of holes and tunnels, along with weeds that never end. We lost our pine tree and the neighbor wants the palm downed too so they can rebuild the fence and install a pool. This “home” works fine for us now, but it feels less so, returning to a place as a different person.

I look forward to moving on, and if we do find ourselves in one of the same cities again, I will remember to find a different place, and one that feels more cozy than this one… just now realizing: for someone who likes to get rid of things, I like to be surrounded by them as well. This place felt better last time because I had a corner desk with a bunch of art on the walls and a bookshelf on either side, under and along the side windows.

Home is where I sleep, where I pay bills, where I keep most of my belongings, where I can close the door. Home is where my dogs live and where I’m guaranteed to see my husband. Home is also where people come bothering you in the middle of the day with stupid fliers or bring you treats. Home can be a hiding place or a gathering space. Home is what you make of it and I’m blessed with the one I have and the hearts inside it.

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Art in Dreams

Q&A a Day: Which art movement best describes you today? Surrealist automatism; at least that’s what I’m going to write about instead of how I spent my day with a few hours of lost productivity; mostly sweating, shopping for food, and staring at papers to grade.
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You make my world go round,
I want to be your ballerina
and when the sun goes down,
the only fish in your marina.

You make my clouds wet,
forever I am in your debt.
You make me laugh every day,
I never want to stop feeling this way.

Only you have opened the door,
it’s only to you I want to show more.
You color me like pastry,
something we are but can’t see.

I search for you in my dreams,
I remember you every day.
At night when I think about you,
my body smiles lips to shoe.

One leaf of my desire,
you keep me going higher.
My branches only grow so much,
till your absence turns me to mush.

Back to the ground I must return,
waiting for your ashes to burn.
One day again I will rise,
and you will not block my skies.

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