All Alone

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I’m all alone without you; without your unconditional love.

I’m all alone without you; not a shadow near to shove.

I’m all alone without you; no more for you to see.

I’m all alone without you; as you float upon the sea.

I dream about you daily; you’re in my thoughts at night.

I wish you were here weekly; you appreciate me meekly.

I miss you more than monthly; as the loneliness succumbs me.

I want you oh so badly, but that’s what I couldn’t see.

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20% Done with Spring Semester 2019

 

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before the shoes’ first game

 

When I’m not doing homework for one class it’s because I’m doing homework for another, driving to/from class, or taking care of my basic human needs (which sometimes doesn’t include a shower on the weekends).

I’m ok with this; it’s what I signed up for. I got to practice my golf swing with a 9 iron (for high loft and short distance) or from my pad of fake grass to over the softball fence. I succeeded in this about 10% of the time when my ball wasn’t going to the right or just short of the fence (but the heavier the ball the easier it was to move). I have to work on keeping my elbow straight on the swing, because when I do… I improve my par.

 

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crossing campus, still parts under construction

 

Soccer has sadly been indoors (30 minutes on a spin bike) or canceled for an out-of-class assignment (watch and analysis half a match) due to the 2-3 inches of rain that San Diego has gotten recently, but double that further inland and the county should be over its annual average by the end of the month. Luckily, we had an amazing day of sunshine and I got to try on my new cleats/boots/soccer shoes and play right midfielder (position 7) which translates to a lot of running, and me learning to pass the ball back.

Anatomy is a lot to learn and I’m glad I had introductory classes/prior experience or I would be far behind in the amount of knowledge that our bodies hold (and that’s not diving into the brain), just all the bones, holes, and crevices that surround it. My first quiz was terrible, but my grades have been increasing since, so some of the information is sticking, which is good because I will need it as the semester continues as does my education moving forward.

 

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testing the system

 

I have my first chemistry exam on Thursday over the first three chapters. I have lots of studying to do to memorize the metric prefixes, some chemical laws, and how to convert measurements. Then we get to dive into the elements of which we did an introduction to atomic theory today before going into the lab to separate a ternary mixture of sand, NaCl (salt), NH4Cl (ammonium chloride) and an unknown. I dumped the water/sand solution through the filter because I made the hole too big — this will give me something more to write about in my post-lab discussion.

Managerial accounting is still the easiest class but the calculus is a struggle as I spent three hours on homework and in the book (also online) but only got credit for 75 minutes. I had a lot of fun in kickboxing, but some people are there to not listen to the coach and get rid of anger. I don’t want to work with those individuals and they limit the learning opportunity for others.

 

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cooking away NH4Cl at 1,004° F

 

Went to work today with an umbrella, my water bottle, and some writing assignments on my phone for the kids to do since they’re not allowed outside in the rain and puddles, nor would I want to be out there with the wind that’s over 20 mph. The boss thought ahead, since he’d be missing again this week, and decided that they would develop a workout plan to include 300 minutes of cardio weekly along with 90 minutes each of stretching and strength training.

He promised them pizza last week if they ran for 30 minutes and 17 students were able to do it, but without him here I didn’t worry about it… that is until the coach’s assistant came in and ordered two small pizzas for $30, without my boss or her boss’s authorization and then wanted me to pay her for it. I collected the kids’ assignment and the principal said the pizzas would be donated to the after-school program and that the school does not give food as a reward. I don’t like being caught in the middle of politics.

 

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spilling the experiment — will affect results

 

I have a four-day weekend that will be spent doing homework to consist of a lab report, watching soccer, studying for my anatomy test and practical on Wednesday, doing math problems for calculus and chemistry, and hopefully finding time to go to the gym since I don’t know what their holiday hours will be. Caleb is working a varied schedule and keeping up with the housework and making omelets so that I can focus on my lessons.

I have more in common with the professors and the homeless people around campus than I do the majority of my classmates. I’m sure that’s a personality disorder on my part, but it’s where I’m at in my life. I’ve tried to call my dad but his phone goes straight to voicemail; so I’m not sure what the issue is there, but I can believe he’s busy too. Caleb’s dad recently added a compression fracture of the lower spine to his list of maladies, but seems to be up and moving around… something I do much less of these days while I sit through lectures and stare at my computer for hours.

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First Week of 20.5 Units

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love classes outside

Wow, the first week of spring semester 2019 has already gone by with tons of homework and lots of rain. I have learned about the new rules from the USGA, such as dropping the golf ball from the knee instead of the shoulder when playing from a hazard (water pond). I am improving my skills with a soccer ball and my ability to analyze a match by noticing their formation on the field and the strengths of players (things you can learn inside the spin room on a rainy day when their class is canceled).

Anatomy is very fast paced, but I’m trying to keep up. I was prepared to learn about bones, to include every hole (foramen) and notch on them, but the dive into tissues and their roles in the body (without having the book early for reference) has given me a delayed start on getting ahead in the class. I write, draw, and color the body when I’m not using my own as a touching board of answers or using one of the many free phone apps for review (there is so much I do not know).

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view from the classroom

Chemistry seems like it would be easy; conversions (°F to °C and miles to km) now and lighting stuff on fire later (in the separate lab class), but the professor is a picky one and wants the labs turned in just so. This shouldn’t be a problem for me as I love being the same way and it helps me ensure I’m getting the right (or most accurate) answer in a field of uncertainty. I have started memorizing the first 40 elements and need to refresh my memory of the role of electrons and masses and bond types.

Managerial accounting seems to be awkwardly the easiest class so far and it’s worth four units in eight weeks. I can appreciate the ease of cash flow math and assessing spreadsheets to account for materials, labor, and costs of goods sold. My applied calculus is also online and I thought I would blow through some graphs and logarithms, but the lack of notes failed me on quiz 2, so I’m going back to prepare for the more difficult mid-term that will be in a couple of weeks (without notes).

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anatomy book: built for learning, not for travel

I only have one class on Fridays, Muay Thai style kickboxing, and it will be fun to get my heart rate up while punching air and bags and doing wall sits until the front of my thighs (quadriceps) burn. I already have the hand wraps and the fingerless gloves from when I thought I would practice last year, so I’m excited to use my new gear (no soccer boots on a closed field). That leaves kinesiology, which I will start after spring break when my accounting class finishes.

I still find time to take a walk around the block and get some personal reading done, though I’m sure that means I should be studying more, I don’t want to get burnt out. I know I’ve got a lot ahead of me, but I look forward to finally getting a business degree on this coast and then getting a degree in something I actually plan to pursue — a happy, healthy life with other people in the sunshine, or under the ocean when I become a divemaster and live on a foreign beach somewhere.

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I get to look at people and their parts in all their various forms

In the meantime, I should get back to it. I still have a job that requires me to grade pre-teens on their understanding of basic bones and muscles and how to apply that knowledge to life for playing safer and eating better (when they’re not spending hours glued to a video game or social media screen). We (I mean me) divided the classes based on fitness and in-class motivation for more balance — and it’s working.

How is your February so far?

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For Sparky

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1. It seems like it was just yesterday we brought you home in our hands.
You walked between my legs and grew as we explored the lands.

The years have gone by and your sight has too. I will miss sleeping next to you.
Your hair has turned white and your spirit, so bright, is going to the light.

I will carry you once again in my arms, so helpless and trusting, but this will be our last outing together as your journey is over and your brain is rusting.

You will be missed and I’ll see you in my dreams. I wish you all the peace that eternal rest brings. We’re never ready to let each other go, but it’s what I have to do at the end of your road.

Some times were sweet and others were sad, but you did your best to always have my back. Now I’ll return the favor as I savor all your young and old behavior.

I love you now more than I did then. We have so many memories that I can’t remember all of them, but that doesn’t mean that I’ll forget you.

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2. Though many a tear I shall shed, I will be grateful for your little, old head. For over a decade we’ve shared a bed, and I deliver you to rest without lead.

You chewed on my things and peed on the furniture. You played ball for hours and chased all the squirrels as you bounced across mountains, snow or not.

So many toys, my clepto dog, but only my heart you take on this slog. Soon you’ll join Piggy at the bottom of the sea and I’ll think of eight cute feet swimming with me.

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3. I’m losing my best friend and he doesn’t speak English; who’d have known if they hadn’t seen us.

Long walks together and candle light evenings, licking food off our faces and staring at the ceiling.

From bath to ocean, light park to dark lot, car seat to plane, there wasn’t a place we had to stay sane.

When I think of you I’ll say your name and remember all the reasons you gave me to love you the same.

Thanks for the smiles and the special voices, thanks for the shouts as you pissed on the couch.

Thanks for putting up with me, even when I made you bleed. Your teeth and nails were hard to clean.

A goodbye is what you need, not a see you later. The time has come that makes me feel like a patat’er.

You go on your merry way, don’t you suffer none for me. I’ll be fine on busted knee as your loss crushes me.

We all need love and I’ll give more to thee, that I can be a better person as life approaches me.

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4. When you had a bump or a little rash, I was always willing to part with some cash.
Now your final day and my saving game is on, I’ll pass you off to someone else’s arm.

Not because I don’t care but I’m no longer strong enough to be there.

Where you’re going you won’t need food or love but I’ll continue to think of you. I’ll pack up your balls, coats, and beds too. I’ll grab your bones, collars, and leashes for who?

The crates and bowls and your animal collection will sit for a month before donation.
You’ll be long gone and I’ll be right here, buried in homework and miscellaneous gear.

The year will go by, there’s no stopping that, and it’s up to me to do more than a mat.

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5. I ran out in the street for you, not worried about not wearing shoes. I didn’t bother to look both ways as I hurried to scoop you away.

I don’t want to lose you as a hit and run. I don’t want to come home to you passed out in the sun. I’d prefer you rest easy by having the safest fun.

You’re lost but you eat, you sleep the day away from me. I’d be selfish to keep you in your current state and hate myself for making you relish in your pain.

It’s time to say goodbye, the road was long enough. I know I’ll be ok because you taught me to be tough. You’ll get to rest, no more seizures shall you see, while I carry on filled with thoughts of thee.

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Rain In My Heart

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I sit here with rain in my heart, not knowing where to start.
It wasn’t long ago that we departed, but I was already brokenhearted.
My feet are cold and my hands are dry as you worry about my swollen eye.
I hide my soul in candle light for fear the truth will be too bright.
I want to bring you into the future but it’s not suited for you. 

What year it was it does not matter, we are all the wiser and fatter.
You called my name and I did not complain, it was not my idea to stay sane.
The day has gone and the night has passed, did we really think it would last?
I’ll tell you this before I go, but I’m sure that you already know,
When you get there please stop and say hello. 

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