Home Is Where I Sleep

Q&A a Day: How do you describe home? The old busted place on the corner.

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When we first moved here in 2012 this place was bigger than we needed, but we had a yard, neighbors, and the beach to keep us busy. We moved to the corner house again in 2016, after a two-year absence, and the floor was water damaged and the yard neglected. The neighbor we liked has passed on, but in his place we have friended a whole family; one whom I played hide-and-seek with and then rode to buy stress chips with.

We live in a two-bedroom house with a single-car garage and a driveway through the backyard. We have two cars, one boat, a grill, a lounge chair, and a dining set outside. The garage houses my bike and paddle board and most of Caleb’s things, minus his clothes. I used to sit in the back bedroom with a view of the backyard, but my blind dogs don’t like being out there as often, so I sit in the living room now (more light too).

The house was built in the 40s, so the kitchen could use some work, but we still have more space than we need otherwise. We haven’t finished hanging our art on the walls, lost a shelf we used to display knickknacks; and left two cabinets, two metal shelves, two desks, a bookshelf, and a free treadmill in Bahrain. We’ve been able to redecorate with new and used furniture, and new trinkets full of memories.

We live less than a mile from the beach and have started growing grass again, but the gophers won’t go away, so the yard is a landmine of holes and tunnels, along with weeds that never end. We lost our pine tree and the neighbor wants the palm downed too so they can rebuild the fence and install a pool. This “home” works fine for us now, but it feels less so, returning to a place as a different person.

I look forward to moving on, and if we do find ourselves in one of the same cities again, I will remember to find a different place, and one that feels more cozy than this one… just now realizing: for someone who likes to get rid of things, I like to be surrounded by them as well. This place felt better last time because I had a corner desk with a bunch of art on the walls and a bookshelf on either side, under and along the side windows.

Home is where I sleep, where I pay bills, where I keep most of my belongings, where I can close the door. Home is where my dogs live and where I’m guaranteed to see my husband. Home is also where people come bothering you in the middle of the day with stupid fliers or bring you treats. Home can be a hiding place or a gathering space. Home is what you make of it and I’m blessed with the one I have and the hearts inside it.

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Art in Dreams

Q&A a Day: Which art movement best describes you today? Surrealist automatism; at least that’s what I’m going to write about instead of how I spent my day with a few hours of lost productivity; mostly sweating, shopping for food, and staring at papers to grade.
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You make my world go round,
I want to be your ballerina
and when the sun goes down,
the only fish in your marina.

You make my clouds wet,
forever I am in your debt.
You make me laugh every day,
I never want to stop feeling this way.

Only you have opened the door,
it’s only to you I want to show more.
You color me like pastry,
something we are but can’t see.

I search for you in my dreams,
I remember you every day.
At night when I think about you,
my body smiles lips to shoe.

One leaf of my desire,
you keep me going higher.
My branches only grow so much,
till your absence turns me to mush.

Back to the ground I must return,
waiting for your ashes to burn.
One day again I will rise,
and you will not block my skies.

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MORE

Q&A a Day: Today you needed more… hugs and high fives.

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I got on the stair climber for the first time in three months and only lost a minute and a half off my time; and had a great workout on the bosu (BOth Sides Up) ball. I had an enjoyable breakfast full of eggs, puppies, sunshine, and conversation before getting to work and being a soccer coach during recess and a kickball coach before going inside to learn about the spine and balance of 9 and 10 year olds.

I went to my ortho appointment at 3:05, read for a bit in an empty waiting room, got my x-ray that shows improvement, and was told to move forward with pain as my guide (but to wait to run for another month and to dive this summer). My foot will continue to change colors and swell a bit, but I don’t have a follow-up scheduled and now I can go paddle boarding.

I had another heavy dinner and will continue to digest it as I finish my second book for January and get through the last 40 of the 500 page book (with lots of websites and further reading to distract me along the way) for a total of three books this month. I’ve also accomplished: walking the dogs 24 days, doubling my water intake, blogging every day, and getting to a 21 day streak on my language learning app.

The hugs and the high fives are from the kids; some ask, some tell, and some just take. Others like to turn it into a competition and I love anything positive, so of course I encourage it. I had a girl today ask to hear me laugh (of which I have many to choose from depending on the mood) and I told her to tell me a joke, but she didn’t have the chance before I was giggling at something.

What’s something more you needed in your life today?

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You

Q&A a Day: What makes “you” you? This seems like such a loaded question.

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I’m the girl with the loud laugh; the one who cuts herself with any blade larger than a paring knife; I’ll try to think before I speak and realize it’s too late; I’ll be nice for too long even after the person is mean or annoying; I have a hard time saying no, regardless of scheduling conflicts; I’ll procrastinate a bit but never wait till the last-minute; I’ll eavesdrop on a conversation, especially if it’ll make me laugh or if I can help answer a question; I’m the first person to take it a step too far, but only in most situations.

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I find it easier to get along with those outside my age range, sometimes by 20 years or more; I love hugs and always hug the person with the sign; I think about others quite often and wonder how well I know them as most days I wonder if I know myself; I’m constantly pretending to get rid of things while Caleb is actively collecting them; I love when I’m super motivated but it comes in waves (for balance); I love the way skunks smell and babies laugh; I love relationships with people but don’t always try enough.

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Most days I feel like a teenager even though I’ve been an adult technically for a decade. I’ve been described as lovely, lazy, daring, caring, adventurous, curious, unreliable, dangerous, absurd, spirited, mercurial, cute, hungry, full of life, crazy, weird, unromantic, stinky, athletic, short, beautiful, narcissistic, sweet, helpful, strong, skilled, naive, nerdy, trustworthy, funny, memorable, awkward, sexy, confusing, positive, talkative, outgoing, social, loving, spontaneous, honest, over sharing, and fast.

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I’m always up for trying something new; apparently my eyes smile; I’m terrible at gifting and being formal; I baby talk my dogs but am too forward with kids; I brush off broken bones as mere bruises; I always pick up the penny. The simple answer: my DNA, the people I’ve met, the places I’ve been, the food I’ve eaten, the scars I’ve acquired, the memories I’ve made, the secrets I’ve kept, and the friends I’ve forgotten. My curiosity,  kindness, and ability to be random have gotten me the farthest.

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My rambling of words whether thought, spoke, or written. I’ve always loved reading. The things I’ve done and the stuff yet to happen will define the following years. I will want to look back on this post and yesterday’s in a decade and see how I’m coming along. What’s that quote… “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” And this is what makes “me” me.

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30 Things in My 30s: Number One

I’ve learned that each decade is a repeat of the last, examples:

bicycle
drink: 10yo juice, 20yo booze, 30yo kombucha
school: 10yo free public, 20yo paid college, 30yo paid to work in
bicycle: 10yo with dog, 20yo with husband, 30yo spin class/beach
dishes: 10yo chore, 20yo newlywed, 30yo trying new soap and sponge
car: 10yo rides from mom, 20yo stealing boyfriend’s, 30yo own and a loan

writing
dance: 10yo cheerleader, 20yo bar, 30yo Zumba
writing: 10yo paper journal, 20yo starting to blog, 30yo maintaining blog
housing: 10yo with family, 20yo with roommates, 30yo with husband and dogs
injury: 10yo hospitalized twice, 20yo concussion, 30yo broken toe
exercise: 10yo recess and pe, 20yo military pt/newlywed, 30yo gym and classes
books: 10yo Mom reads IT to me, 20yo read IT to myself, 30yo gifted first edition IT

boatfood
phone: 10yo corded, 20yo cell, 30yo texts
boat: 10yo go out with parents’, 20yo go out with Navy, 30yo go out on own boat
bills: 10yo parents pay, 20yo struggles to pay, 30yo diversified portfolio
food: 10yo lives off pb&j’s, 20yo cooks pb&j’s, 30yo makes healthier pb&j’s
dad: 10yo writes letters, 20yo calls, 30yo waits for him to call

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bed: 10yo sleeping in bunk bed, 20yo on futon/air mattress, 30yo Tempur-Pedic
research: 10yo encyclopedia, 20yo Google, 30yo internet to search for books
travel: 10yo family vacation, 20yo road trips, 30yo international
bath: 10yo time with bubbles, 20yo showers quickly, 30yo looks forward to a bath
dogs: 10yo teaches new tricks, 20yo gets two new dogs, 30yo deals with senior dogs
internet: 10yo dial-up, 20yo wired, 30yo wireless

camping
camping: 10yo in trailer, 20yo on ground, 30yo on mattress
kids: 10yo wanted lots, 20yo likes practicing, 30yo happy without
waking: 10yo Mom is my alarm, 20yo roommate motivation, 30yo on a schedule
also kids: 10yo babysitting, 20yo working with “kids”, 30yo working out with them
make-up: 10yo can’t wear it, 20yo don’t wear much, 30yo wear sunscreen/moisturizer

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Q&A a Day: If you were going to start your own company, what would it be? At 10yo I wanted to be a teacher, at 20yo a psychiatrist, computer scientist, author, photographer, and world traveler, and at 30yo I want to dive and travel and be healthy and happy and share these goals with others. I would start a company that motivates people to make a positive difference in their life — in their home, brain, and body. Maybe one day I’ll own a dive shop and fitness center next to my husband’s garage.

Posted in Animals, Books, Camping, Cycling, Education, Family, fitness, Food, History, Marriage, Media, Travel | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment