Q&A a Day: On a scale of one to ten, how sad are you? Why? 10 being the saddest, I’m a 1. Why, because I’m a month away from my anniversary and already celebrating. I got told today that my dogs are well-behaved (they’re blind, there’s a difference). Caleb is leaving for work for a week, but I’ve already got plans to stay busy — gym, school, work, garden, paddle board, dogs, homework, study, eat all the leftovers he made me today so that I wouldn’t have to bother (with the cooking or the cleaning), and call him every day to make sure he’s still reading my posts and see how his day went.
This year will mark the third year since my mom passed and it has gotten tons easier to at least think about her now without crying abruptly, but has also added distance between the siblings and I since I haven’t been back to Texas since. I wished my older brother a happy birthday three weeks ago via Messenger by sending him a cake emoji and haven’t heard back. I talked with my sister who is expecting her fourth child with her fiancé Mikey, and my niece Irie who is almost three, over video. I haven’t spoken with my little brother since I wished him a happy birthday last June.
I don’t talk with my dad as much as I used too and definitely miss seeing him as often, but he was off changing the world one glorious step at a time, and now I’m busy making changes to mine, planning for my future, setting goals, and being happy. He visits with my grandmother who is still recovering from her stroke in a care facility and I hope to come out and visit soon and see Caroline while I’m there. It would’ve been nice to see my aunts as well, but I was, and am still, recovering from my broken toe and not ready for so many stairs and no bathtub.
Caleb and I are closer to his one uncle than we are the rest of both of our extended families combined. It probably helps that he comes to visit, lives in a beautiful area, has a very nice wife, and messages us from time to time. Caleb got to meet some of his family for the first time in 20 years and we were only disappointed with one person. I’m used to seeing my family every five years when my mom would miss them most. I got invited to a cruise this summer and had no idea where we would be by then, but I think it too strange to do something I’m not ready for with people I barely know.
That sums up family, and as far as friends go… I spent a decade keeping in touch with childhood classmates, military memories, and crazy coworkers. I’ll never forget their faces but the rest begins to fade as the years stretch on without a word. Most people are temporary in your life and the lesson can be a difficult one, but others will always be there with a couch to crash, a joke to tell, and food. I try to hold onto these ones, though I’ve got my best friend with me and he holds on tight and always will. I’m not sad. I’m not allowed to be, because I’m too spoiled for that.
As far as my day went, I got to sleep in and listen to a European Starling before the gym opened. They are an invasive species but I wouldn’t mind having one living in the backyard (if I had the tree for it that was sadly cut down). We got a bit sweaty, did a good shoulder workout, and then went to the store for veggie sausage to have with our eggs and broccoli tots for breakfast.
We took the dogs to the estuary and ran into one of the farmers tending his crop of tomatoes, chard, eggs, broccoli, fava bean leaves, and Thai basil — just to name some of the items he gifted us and invited us to come back. I hadn’t planned on being in the sun so long, but we reddened our skin and got a salad in the process. Our shiny new double-handed pots arrived today to replace the antique ones with flowers on the sides, handles falling off, and holes wearing in the bottom, that my mom gave us long ago.
Caleb made lentil burgers and chickpeas burritos while I wrote out my internship goals, read articles about mental toughness and developing relationships, and helped with laundry so he could pack for his trip. The burgers will go in the freezer and most of the burritos in our mouths. I’m grateful that Caleb gets so inspired by my passions and loves me enough to rub my feet; we’ve been hesitant with the broken toe, but it went well. I cleaned up so he could sleep and I could post.
What’s your sad scale number and why?