A Proper Goodbye

 

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When the other mother comes to town we have our couch picked up by Salvation Army and plant our potted bamboo in the front yard before breakfast. We got the oil changed three days late, but 20 miles early – we wanted to be ready for anything. I grabbed our current book, ‘Tis, and thought we would drive to the airport early and read. As we were looking for a spot to park we passed the Gator by the Bay event and drove down to the Spanish Landing Park(ing) lot and were grateful for the hour we had.

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Tickets were $30, otherwise we might’ve gone in, but we had just as much fun walking by the water, being dodged by bicycles because their lane was blocked off due to the event, smelling the Thai food and cotton candy at the crawfish and Blues event, and listening to live music through the chain link fence. We pulled up to the disaster that was the loading zone at the airport at 7:00 pm and soon I grew anxious and gave Caleb the driver seat as I went to wait inside – giving me twenty minutes to talk with a couple, take a picture of an orange and green dragon on the floor, and aww at the two kids holding a welcome home sign for their mom that had been gone a week.

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Caleb had been craving a burger or pizza and thought the beef might be too much on his vegetarian stomach so we took Caroline, who flew in for a proper goodbye for the weekend, to Oggi’s Pizza and Brewing Company for an IPA, cheese-sticks, Cajun chips, and flatbreads – Javelin and Marathon. It was different without my dad there, but he was with us in spirit and dirty jokes. We left after getting a box for leftovers and having Caleb pay the check for his two ladies (or because he was faster getting to his wallet than Caroline).

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We got home where the talking didn’t stop while we fed dogs, let them out, aired up the mattress, rolled out the sleeping bag, and changed into pajamas. Caleb gave Caroline a tour of the house – her first time visiting somewhere we live and the pictures are off the wall and lots of our things already in boxes. Caleb went to bed around 10:00 and Caroline and I to our separate beds around 11:30 pm so she could talk to her husband and read more of ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’ before going to sleep.

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Equally Thinking

tangerine carrot popsicle - yummy!

tangerine carrot popsicle – yummy!

I’ve donated just as much time to planning and processing Bahrain as I have to keeping my mind off the weeks ahead. It took Caleb and me three days to get the right piece of paper that gives me permission to enter and reside in Bahrain for the next two years. Our household goods will be packed on May 15th and Caleb’s flight is booked for June. We ran around to different buildings, offices, and bases to talk with people – some whom showed concern and others who were rude and superfluous to their workspace.

Dan's hanging flowers

Dan’s hanging flowers

We are getting stressed and a bit tired of this routine. It turns out that the difficulty of these last four months can be blamed on a bad turnover. A certain chief didn’t give PS1 (personnel specialist – first class) all the paperwork that had already been processed, so he remained unawares of our struggles. I would like to feel more at ease, but it’s not over yet. Caleb might have a 36-hour layover in an airport with one of the dogs. We were told the military flight only has room for one dog, and because of that we would be taking separate flights – mine anywhere from one week to three months after Caleb flies out due to heat embargoes and space on commercial flights.

the jetty during high tide at Imperial Beach

the jetty during high tide at Imperial Beach

I thought that was for short-nosed dogs, but have to remember we’re flying to one of the hottest places on Earth during summer. I don’t know at this point if they are flying under our seats (up front with us) or somewhere in the back of the plane with people’s luggage. This will determine whether we bring the dogs in the carry-on bags we already have or whether we need to buy one or two crates depending on space and airline rules. We have to decide which dog will go first – the loud one that loves to travel or the blind one that scares easily. The one that stays with me won’t be alone, but Caleb will be dropping the other one off in a hotel room (hopefully not quarantine) for who knows how long during his check-in process.

Betty and Amanda in Coronado

Betty and Amanda in Coronado

Then there’s the car. We were given paperwork for a company in Kearny Mesa that is closing. We showed up to make sure the car was fit to ship and were given a number to the new place in Santee. The car needs to be street legal, have a quarter-tank of gas, no leaks, and be accompanied by a Letter of Authorization (big hassle from bank, etc.) or the title (another hassle involving DMV) – in which we might not get either before we leave. We may be living in the car (camping) while we finish sorting this out and then I’m on my own once I drop the car off, so far from the airport, probably surrounded by rentals that forbid smoking and pets.

Dan's favorite rose - full in color and aroma

Dan’s favorite rose – full in color and aroma

Between the running around and the phone calls I’ve filled my time with eating popsicles, hat shopping, cleaning house, hanging out with friends, getting the windshield replaced, taking the dogs to the beach, reading The Master and Margarita, knitting, and posting old pictures to Flickr. I could hope that it won’t be this hard for me to come back to the United States, but where would the story be in that, and the possibilities of being transferred to another country, another island, and learning about another culture. I have plenty of months ahead of me before concerning myself with where I will be in two, or five, years. My focus for now is doing what I can to move us, our stuff, and not forget about the people who care about both.

trying on hats for Bahrain

trying on hats for Bahrain

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Bahrain On the Mind

edited Google image

edited Google image

Moving is supposed to be fun and exciting. And it’s not that I’m not still happy and looking forward to our move to Bahrain, but there have been some obstacles in the way. The date has been moved around – leaving in February, March, April, and now June. But will it be a couple of days or a week or two into the summer we aren’t allowed to know. The pre-deployment briefs are pushed back and the questions remain unanswered. Caleb is the only one on his boat that is bringing a spouse, so this only increases the amount of unknowns for us and causes unneeded stress.

We don’t know if we are flying commercial or military, because there may only be room for one dog on the designated plane. If there is room for me, then there is space for my fifteen pound dogs – unless regulations state that they need to be sent as cargo in the back of the plane in large plastic or metal crates so they can be tied down correctly and have an attendant check on their stability. Will they be given more sedative pill when needed or am I expected not to hear them cry for the duration of the flight and just put up with their well-being in airports? Or will they be thrown between planes like the rest of my luggage?

Caleb tried to tell me something about one dog and I wouldn’t hear it. Either both dogs go or I don’t. I just thought it would be easier for two people to take two dogs instead of me trying to tote two dogs and all our paperwork and passports. Work has had him out to sea when he needs to be here taking care of things. I can only get so much done with a power of attorney because the things on our list need to be signed by officers on board and on the dry side of base – a real pain in the ass, but I want to make sure nothing is forgotten.

1BD - one Bahraini Dinar

1BD – one Bahraini Dinar

I told Caleb it would be easier for me to except if they hadn’t given me the opportunity to go, but they can’t attempt to foil our plans once they’ve been set in motion. Regardless of what the Navy does from now, we have the movers coming, the power being shut off, and our house rented to new tenants mid-May. This should give us time to pack, clean, get the dogs’ 10-day paperwork taken care, drop off the car (either for sale, storage, or shipment), possibly see family, or take a trip, or a class, and get ourselves on an international flight to Bahrain.

We had fun playing house while it lasted – trying to establish a garden and ending up with piles of dirt mounds from the local gopher, a broken chainsaw, and a sold lawnmower. We sold the chest freezer that never held the carcass of something Caleb killed. We sold the better refrigerator instead of the smaller one that came with the place. We’ve started getting rid of things we can’t take or won’t need for two years on the desert island. I imagined downsizing, but even the hotel rooms over there are bigger than our house. We will be given 900BD to spend on monthly rent.

With the exchange rate, that’s about $2,400 for almost 2,000 sq. ft. of living space, sometimes including a garden (grass in the desert), room for a live-in maid, a private pool, a shared gym, covered parking (so your car doesn’t melt), internet, a bidet, and some furnishings – like curtains (a requirement), and washer/dryer, and maybe a couch. I could get all this by the water and buy a dinghy or live closer to base and get a scooter or I might be stuck here awaiting spousal orders (approval to move to Bahrain) while Caleb is stuck at work – whether that be in this ocean or that.

map of the islands of Bahrain

map of the islands of Bahrain

Most days are easy. I’m lighthearted and easy-going, friendly, knowledgeable, and energetic. I’m not trying to promote myself, but let you know what others have to deal with – at the passport office so we can get our Bahrain visas and military passports (while they hold my civilian passport hostage keeping me from going on a bike ride to Mexico with my friend); while at the move office going between computer, phone, and person trying to understand WTF is going on with passwords that don’t work, addresses I can’t put in, and a website that won’t function for too long (outdated military crap).

I felt bad for the rental office getting 30-day notices from me with cancellations the next day, but now it’s official and I have the For Rent sign in the front yard to prove it. And the endless calls to my cell phone of future tenants that want to come by and see the place. I knew this was coming. I signed that I understood when we moved in, but I didn’t expect it to be so stressful. I could schedule them to all come at the same time and be done with. Most are gracious and thankful, but one caller got an attitude and I handled it well enough that once she got herself together she called back and confirmed a time to come by.

The next issue was ensuring a form of communication could be kept with the movers, our creditors (electric, rent) – anyone we may owe or be getting money back from, and from family and friends that want to keep in touch while we are gone. The internet will be slow and some pages may be inaccessible; our phone company will give us free data, but charge ten cents a second to call international – and that’s why we have Skype for free internet calling. Then there is mail. The U.S. Post Office won’t forward overseas, so we had to find someone in the states that we could trust to not lose our mail or forget about it and that we could reimburse for any postage or gas for helping with our errands.

spices for sale at a souk in Manama - image from FoodAndTools.com

spices for sale at a souk in Manama – image from FoodAndTools.com

That person was found and I’m very grateful to have one less thing to worry about such as international banking fees. I’ve tried looking into a local bank for direct deposit from our main bank, but that still might incur fees. I want to spend in the local currency and have a credit card so that I don’t have to worry about the exchange rate every time I want to buy something as we have our rent to look forward to every month. We get to go on base, get the money changed, and then pay the landlord. I’ve gotten spoiled here having machines and other people take care of these ‘mundane’ activities for me.

I look forward to the new experiences – ones I won’t have even thought about, and the amount of math I will be doing on a more frequent basis. Caleb constantly thinks about different things that he will be able to introduce me to – people, food, architecture – the lifestyle of a Middle Eastern country that was once ruled by the British and the outcome of their history as they move into their future – that is until someone invents a time machine that works and we can start going backwards.

Until then, I will wait for Caleb to let me know to ride to base and take care of my orders and our passports; for Kirsten to come by and see the house; and for Caleb to let me know whether I will be riding my bike or having him pick me up for tonight’s pre-deployment brief – the one that is scheduled for 17:30 or 18:00 depending on where you get your information – the unreliable wives club of Facebook or the official email from Chief on board. Either way it doesn’t matter because I will leave there feeling disappointed and dumber for being in their presence.

#3 travel destination of 2014 - image by Nelson Carvalheiro

#3 travel destination of 2014 – image by Nelson Carvalheiro

You can get out of the Navy and separate yourself, clearly and effectively like my dad did, or you can get married to a lifer that keeps you on edge of his dealings with people who can’t spell, can’t keep relationships, and don’t give a shit about the equipment they work on. They drink and drive, they swear, they procreate and get on welfare, they gamble, they sleep with hookers, and they get infected tattoos to remind them of a false brotherhood. I thought people joined to get away from home and to get a paid-for education.

I got out after getting away and realizing that their schooling would come at a higher price – the price of freedom to learn – not just paint, shine, and mop; and sanity – to be challenged mentally and physically and not feel like the bent screw in the drawer of just-in-case spare parts. I also got out to be with Caleb, to be with someone who makes me feel smart, powerful, pretty, loved, respected, and absolutely awesome in everything I choose to do and consciously not do. I will continue to look out for his well-being too regardless of where we are or who he works with.

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Since Vegas

I have…

eaten pizza at Oggi's in Chula Vista

eaten pizza at Oggi’s with Caleb in Chula Vista

made spinach plus on homemade bread

made spinach plus on homemade bread

walked the dogs around the neighborhood

walked the dogs around the neighborhood

put the guest sheets on the bed - the others were too warm

put the guest sheets on the bed – the others were too warm

enjoyed the view from our front door

enjoyed the view from my front door

found a hidden trail and walked to one end of it with the dogs

found a hidden trail and walked to one end of it with the dogs

took the dogs to the vet for pre-Bahrain shots

took the dogs to the vet for pre-Bahrain shots

joined Caleb on his ride home - he's stretching

joined Caleb on his ride home – he’s stretching

ate dinner and dessert at Cafe 21 on Adams

ate dinner and dessert at Café 21 on Adams

donated blood at the Red Cross in Kearny Mesa

donated blood at the Red Cross in Kearny Mesa

went walking with Caleb and dogs to waterfall

went walking with Caleb and dogs to waterfall

walked back from the waterfall with wet dogs

walked back from the waterfall with wet dogs

rewarded ourselves with dinner at Rubio's in Kearny Mesa

rewarded ourselves with dinner at Rubio’s in Kearny Mesa

went to base to deliver coffee and pick up paperwork

went to base to deliver coffee and pick up paperwork

get a fresh picked flower on my way home from a fellow cyclist

get a fresh picked flower on my way home from a fellow cyclist

tried a new drink in Coronado

tried a new drink in Coronado

rode bikes at sunset with Betty to Leroy's Kitchen & Lounge

rode bikes at sunset with Betty to Leroy’s Kitchen & Lounge

finished reading Germania and The Art of Talk

finished reading “Germania” and “The Art of Talk”

found a bird that puts out fire

found a bird that puts out fire

walked by these poppies in Coronado

walked by these poppies in Coronado

finally tried Filippi's Pizza Grotto in Imperial Beach - they don't skimp on cheese

finally tried Filippi’s Pizza Grotto in Imperial Beach – they don’t skimp on cheese

walked to the beach with Caleb

walked to the beach with Caleb

went dress shopping - one I should've gotten

went dress shopping – one I should’ve gotten

parked downtown at 7th and G

parked downtown at 7th and G

… spent a lot of time walking and eating, but still finding time to do dishes, laundry, sweep, shower, sleep, drink tea, shop for groceries, talk on the phone, message until late night on Facebook, listen to new music, donate books to the library (and walk dogs with Caleb in the process).

Now I need to finish all the crafts I have around the house – painting, knitting, weaving, photos, sewing, cleaning, fixing, planning, and prepping for the move to Bahrain – but that’s another post as I talk about my feelings (excited), questions from family and friends, and discuss why I’m the only spouse going (we’re the only ones happily married). I had fun in Vegas for three and a half days. I’ve had fun in San Diego over the last two years while I was here. I will have fun in Bahrain (in my gorgeous air-conditioned villa by the sea).

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Thinking about Bahrain

a view of blue and tan - by Caleb

a view of blue and tan – by Caleb

I found out the day before Caleb’s last birthday that I would be moving to Bahrain, where he would be stationed for two years. I started to look into housing, laws, entertainment, food, customs, and import laws – what I could and couldn’t bring, and what I could and couldn’t do. I was excited, still am, to get the chance to experience another culture – and to be closer to Europe, Turkey, India, and parts of Africa!

Bahrain, I’m told, is the Las Vegas of the Middle East, and the kindest of the Arabian countries that hate the United States. They allow us to have a base there and have their private property clearly marked for us to keep out. I’ve heard great stories of the Tree of Life – because it’s the only one to survive the heat. I’ve also been told the tales of what goes on behind the walls and after dark. I’m not scared – even to wear a burka and get driven into Saudi Arabia – where I lose most of my American rights and become just another female that belongs to a man who better be my dad, brother, or husband.

I started telling people I was going, and then got nervous that I wouldn’t be as the Navy pushed our move date out further and further, but it seems things are in order now and we are making plans – getting Bahrain visas, arranging to transport our car and household goods, and getting the dogs up to date on shots. My girlfriend suggested I make a San Diego bucket list before I go. There will be plenty on it – and even more so when I leave as there is every time I move and realize all the stuff I didn’t do.

no land in sight - by Caleb

no land in sight – by Caleb

It’s a bit stressful to be the only spouse going. Most wives are using the excuse that (they hate their husbands) they don’t want their kids going to school in that environment. Others don’t want to quit their jobs or leave their affairs – really?! Are we going to be the only couple that is still madly in love after nine years of being together – enough to want to spend all our time together (when the Navy allows) no matter where that is? Then again, it’s not like I was going to hang out with the spouses. I won’t miss them, but I will miss the attention to detail with WTF we are supposed to be doing about everything.

This would probably be an easy move for any civilian – paperwork, clothes, job – check. But for us, we not only have to conform to the laws of Bahrain, but have to adjust for how the Navy thinks we should dress and act, so I want to make sure I have everything in order. The funny part comes when people ask if we’re going on vacation – sure a two-year break from the United States and we don’t pick Spain, Japan, Sydney, or Honolulu – not that I won’t treat it as such.

We’re allowed to bring 11,000 pounds of personal belongings, minus 500 pounds of Caleb’s work related uniforms and manuals, and minus the vehicle with a 20 ton weight limit – ours is only 2. We’re allowed two pets, no consumables or perishables or combustibles, and no plants – just like a move across the U.S. The amount of things you can bring depends on the military member’s rank, length of stay, and number of dependents – me.

on board post office - by Caleb

on board post office – by Caleb

I might miss some of my American freedoms, but I will learn to appreciate them more. I won’t have the opportunity to just drive 6 to 17 to 24 to 38 hours to visit family on a holiday weekend or during Caleb’s leave period. Our flight will cost $1,300 and take an entire day of non-stop flying – not including two or three stops that we will make and any delays that come up – while the dogs are in carry-on luggage the whole time. I’m fine with this. I’ve been to see lots of family – some that want to see me and others who don’t care. There’s still family I have yet to meet, and some that I never will because they died before I got the chance – but I knocked on their door anyways.

Visitors are welcome. It won’t be easy for most. You will need a plane ticket and a passport. We should have a spare room as space doesn’t seem to be a problem over there and air conditioning will be included in the rent. My main concern is finding a spot to walk the dogs that won’t melt the pads off their feet – even in the middle of the night. I look forward to participating in Ramadan and making new friends. We can’t become Islam – for obvious reasons – but also because once you do there’s no going back. More to come as we continue this journey into becoming expats.

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