Virtual Virus

I suppose now I understand how movie makers could get the idea of Puppet Masters, etc. The master doesn’t necessarily have to launch the control program directly into your brain; only into your computer system that can drive you completely insane and hold you ransom. Yes you will comply with their demands. You will call all your tech friends, or your Dad, and be at tear’s edge, begging them to send fairies with ass-kicking boots your way. They will look all pretty and then, Bam! your computer is fixed and the virus there won’t even know what happened.

I was recently plagued with a virus. There I was sitting on my computer, all innocent, when my computer wanted to run the anti-run program. Here is the letter I wrote to the internet:

Dear Internet,

Oh how I can love you. Most times you are there to bring me stories, videos, and pictures to entertain me endlessly. But there is a bad side; you have a lot of unedited content that sometimes causes me to waste hours on your network, but now I have seen your worst. I was going along, blog on one screen and Lightroom on the other, when I got sidetracked looking at funny homeless men signs. Then all my windows shut down and a virus warning came up – it being the virus. I stopped it from ‘scanning’ my computer and then hit the reset button.

I spent over an hour on the phone with my Dad and ended up with four websites for programs to download. Caleb’s work is the closest internet accessible computer since I unplugged four cords to stop the program and only put three back in. I was stressed and doing what I could – or so I thought. I arrived at Caleb’s job to have him tell me that the computer will not recognize my flash drive because they are no longer legal for the military. Great! I leave there, drive back home, and grab my laptop. I drive down the street stopping at hotels and fast food hoping to use their Wi-Fi.

I get lucky in front of the Holiday Inn on Atlantic Blvd. I sat in the shade and waited for these programs to download. I had tried my phone but the programs weren’t meant for each other – compatible was the word I was looking for. I drive home, plug in flash drive, and boot computer in safe mode. I was only able to get the last one to run and it took about 25 minutes to tell me that the virus wasn’t on my computer; so I restarted it. It was there. I turned the computer back off and then my Dad calls.

My Dad feels bad that he will be going on vacation next week and won’t be available to help me in my time of need. His wife, Caroline, said he should fly out here and help me.  He has yet to meet Caleb and it could help us save over $400 to clean my computer; my Dad says too that the computer-doctor company might not put Humpty-Dumpty back together, correctly. I’m more worried about losing the over 18,000 pictures and all the Adobe programs; though those are replaceable. If I lose my pictures, again (stolen laptop), I doubt I will want to take pictures for a while.

My Dad tries to ensure me that only the C-drive will be affected and that all my pictures on the D-drive will be fine. Well, if the virus deletes Lightroom, won’t I lose the organization that I still don’t fully have. My computer is not able to open any programs unless in safe mode and that has limited options. I have anti-virus software that was outdated by ten days. I couldn’t even find the other program as it seems the virus might’ve eaten it, or disabled it. Then my Dad tells me that this might be a spoof on the actual because it’s not supposed to be this bad and I shouldn’t have this; what a righteous Dad.

There is a possibility that evil has made its way through my IP address to some, bad word adjective for person or business, in wherever land. If that’s the case, I wish they would’ve just asked. Then I could perform evil deeds to their face and get back to what I was doing. To me, it is like when someone steals your wallet. Why can’t they just take the cash instead of making you go through the hassle of cancelling all of your cards. They may end up with a new big-screen TV, but chances are they end up on camera and, well, then they get a free bed for a while. Perhaps not such a bad deal; I have yet to need anything that badly.


I might’ve done anything to get my beautiful computer world back. Luckily, my Dad was able to find the site I needed to conquer the virus. I don’t remember it now, but guaranteed I run my safety programs at least twice a week. Don’t attempt to learn the hard way like I was almost forced to do. Call or Facebook one of your tech friends today and make sure you have the latest anti-virus software installed to keep your happy place healthy and glowing bright for years to come, or next week when the new upgrade comes out. Happy surfing!


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