When Things Don’t Go As Planned

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It makes for an interesting story to tell later. These instances are usually caused by hazardous weather, a mistake in booking or needing a reservation, or the event is closed or the building demolished — all things that can be blamed on chance or someone else. These moments can be used to bring couples closer together as they learn how to deal with new situations and communicate what they want and how to fix it (the problem now and how to remedy it in the future if possible — airlines, in-laws, restaurants).

 

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My years of being young, reckless, and emotional seemed to fly by (probably because I’m still in them) but as a person grows and changes (as is healthy to do) along with their partner a lot can go unnoticed or just unsaid. It’s not due to neglect or other forms of abuse, but just a lack of not knowing what questions to ask as you both pursue your goals without focusing on the details of what it will take to stay on this path together as your likes and motivations adapt to the ever-evolving individual.

 

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Being 3.5 months away from my 11-year anniversary, and having known Caleb for three years prior, I should have more experience in this field and be able to cope with a little glitch like a canceled dive trip — something we’ve been dealing with since we started in March 2016. The ocean is a wild and unpredictable place and we should always have a backup plan ready just in case — and be ready to voice our reasoning behind our ideas that pop up in the absence of swimming with fish (or whatever the plan was).

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In our case, Caleb got us free tickets to Busch Gardens, compliments of their Waves of Honor program, after the divemaster let him know that we wouldn’t be diving today. I was more concerned with the $25 parking than I was in knowing why Caleb would want to spend the morning watching me ride roller coasters while he stands in a crowded theme park playing Christmas music in November. It’s this simple question that can set the tone for the day.

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Getting to the park and focusing on the naughty children, unopened food stalls, and roller coasters that are closed for maintenance while smiling on ride after ride because Caleb knows that I enjoy the thrill of their speed along with their history and technology was the post I was going to write, but I’m lucky to have a little birdy remind me otherwise. I realized I would rather spend the day in the hotel or on a trail holding Caleb’s hand and appreciating each other and animals in the wild than roaming around looking for the negative because I didn’t communicate that to him.

 

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I still enjoy all the rides and getting to skip in line for being a single rider, but I’d rather be laughing with Caleb while we wait and sharing in this experience together. It’s not often that couples can afford to fly a spouse across the country, where the other one works all the time, to see each other and I wanted us to make the most of it. Memories were made and I don’t want to belittle them, but I think of the joy that could’ve been had doing something we could both take part in.

 

Speaking of, the train is a great place to sit next to each other and watch the park go by. I learn that the conductor is in charge of collecting fares and selling tickets and is not the driver. The engineer informs us that Grant’s zebras, a subspecies of the Plains zebra, has stripes around their bodies while the mountain zebras have a white belly. Cool fact: a group of zebras can be referred to as a dazzle.

 

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After the park, we take a step back into 1880’s history and admire the architecture of the Spanish, Moorish, and French Renaissance styles that were popular in Ybor City at the time. The thing that stood out from the Cigar Capital of the World, as it would remain until the Great Depression, besides the hand-rolling still taking place, was reading about Molly Ferrara as the city’s first alcaldesa (mayor) and adding another word to my Spanish vocabulary.

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We drive downtown to visit the Tampa Museum of Art and take in the two-minute interactive exhibit by Yayoi Kusama “Love is Calling” that has inflatables surrounded by mirrors while the artist recites a Japanese poem. A translation of Residing in a Castle of Shed Tears is available to be read on the wall upon exit. The artwalk event I thought was taking place (where restaurants and businesses display local artists and offer discounts on food and drinks) turns out to be alcohol specials at nearby bars so we will have to find food elsewhere.

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Why we settled on dinner at a chain restaurant while on vacation is beyond me and not our typical behavior, but it does the job, as does getting key lime pie cheesecake as a sugar vehicle to my bloodstream but doesn’t deliver the same feeling I got going into the Everglades with two slices made in the Keys and coming out with one because the other melted; both were still delicious. Life doesn’t go as planned, but it’s up to you to choose the extraordinary over the mundane every chance you get.

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Over the Hills and Through the Flames

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morning hotel view

Our plan was to meet in Tampa and go diving in Clearwater for three days, the first of which will have diving canceled at 8:30 am (after the fishermen go out for an update and to catch lunch) due to high seas. We take this opportunity to drive to Hillsborough River State Park and walk from parking lot 2 to the River Rapids Nature trail, across the suspension bridge to the Baynard loop, before catching the second half of the RRN trail to get back to the car.

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looking up at Spanish moss

We will spend the 2.3 miles looking at all the details — from spiders and ferns to mushrooms and moss to tree roots that look like legs — and reminiscing about our time in the forests of Florida. Each geographic region has its own qualities and I’m grateful that I’ve been able to experience so many. A common question in the US is, “What’s your favorite state?”, but for those that have been to them all, we have a special place (beach, restaurant, park, museum, etc.)  in one or more of them that stands out as a great place to live or to avoid — such as the Everglades, which is why we camped there twice.

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Caleb begins to wonder what is going on in the bathroom as I’m taking an ample amount of time to switch from a toilet that is too tall to the big stall with a view. There’s something spectacular and ancestral about peeing while looking at trees. I didn’t get a good photo though as the screen was in the way. I think about putting a picture on the wall in front of the commode when I get home and then remember that my husband is standing outside the door waiting.

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Under the pavilion nearby is a woman sat in front of her travel-size (29”) flat screen TV while her partner is busy setting up the food and the rest of their planned picnic party. I get the appeal of having a cell phone within reach for emergency situations, but when did America feel the need to fill every bedroom and waiting room with a TV or screen — when cheap, non-scripted reality television with digital recording became a thing so that people can binge watch on airplanes, in bathrooms, and on their daily commutes.

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beautiful reflection

I’m not saying TVs are terrible as there is a time and place for classic films, the Discovery Channel, and finding awkward shows to watch while on vacation or doing handy crafts but I don’t like being bombarded with someone else’s idea of important media or having company distracted by a moving picture while we are out; phones are bad enough. Anyway, we leave the lovely couple to enjoy their day in the park and drive along the 301 in search of the Fort Foster State Historic Site.

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along the Tampa Riverwalk

The gate to Ranch Rd was closed so we assumed the site was too (because it’s only open weekends and for Rendezvous). It’s a reproduction of the fort rebuilt there in December 1836 during the Second Seminole War to defend the river and the soldiers’ supplies. The property was given to the state in 1972 and opened to the public in 1980. With no history to walk through here, we drove south to the Lettuce Lake Regional Park but only the state park is open every day — not even national parks do that.

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a sand igloo selling hot cocoa on Tampa Riverwalk

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siblings serenading

Those were the two items on my list in this area so Caleb chose the Tampa Riverwalk next so we could experience 2.5 miles of museums, art, and manatees. We park near MacDill Park and go left first. I spend most of the time looking up at the buildings but stop to read about the accomplishments of Moses White before taking notice of the beautiful building across the water (later research will tell us it’s the University of Tampa we are so enamored with).

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Old Steel Railroad Bridge

Walking the other way we pass a penguin’s sand igloo, a closed skating rink, and two kids “playing” on the public piano. We continue over the railroad track towards the Straz Center to read about Eleanor McWilliams Chamberlain and her 37 years of advocating for women’s right to vote before it was finally ratified. There are some large paintings on a lawn, a seat turned metallophone, and three bench swings to keep us entertained before we return past the dog park to see children using it too.

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There’s still time on the meter when we return to the car so we cross the street to appreciate the architecture of metal, glass, and bricks among trees (while looking for a restaurant that might be open) and learn about the Great 1909 Auto Race that inspired the bonds to get highways built between Tampa and Jacksonville. We return to the hotel for 20 minutes while we look at menus of places such as Ruth’s Chris Steak House and decide on Flames Indian Cuisine for half the price.

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on the W Cass St drawbridge

Sitting down I notice they serve us ice water while the rest of the room is given theirs at room temperature. When I ask for a refill with no ice I’m brought another glass. I’m hoping the food doesn’t come out bland and we’re given more time to wonder while the family that came in after us is served first because there was an issue with the printer.

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vintage wall lamp

A guy walks in, while Caleb is going to the car to get my jacket, who reminds me of a scene from Monty Python (which is much more graphic than I remember). Our food arrives at a decent spicy level but Caleb thinks that our garlic naan is just regular — and he is right, so we’re gifted some to-go and I give up the chance to try a chocolate filled samosa, though maybe I could’ve used the sauce for a second purpose.

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shiny buildings

Back at the room, we learn about the time that goes into crafting the art of sushi through generations and the simplicity of preparing sukiyaki in Japan, and the significance of prepping pork overnight in South Carolina for BBQ from Anthony Bourdain’s show “Parts Unknown”, his last series he would produce as a traveling chef of 16 years. He got his start at 44 years old after writing a book, which would be the first of many, about the behind-the-scenes in a restaurant kitchen.

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trees, bricks, and glass

I have a mix of the Thai curry and Indian lentil leftovers for dinner while we watch the men on TV sample different meats and Caleb makes a comment about spicy in – spicy out and we have a laugh about the future smell of my food combination. This is our foreplay conversation before we get out the tingle cream for round two, which is how I will discover that it’s mentholated and provides an icy hot sensation that makes me debate whether I would try it again — we both like the results.

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To Tampa for Thai Donuts

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I had trouble relaxing last night and finally going to bed as I always get excited before a trip. I had cleaned the house, packed my bag, bathed my body, and talked to Caleb but didn’t get to bed until after 9:30, which is early for my regular routine but I needed to be at the San Diego Airport before my usual alarm. Sparky woke me at midnight, nails clicking on the wooden floor. I grabbed him and he stayed under the covers till after 2:30 when I woke before my phone went off.

I washed my hair and ruffled his to get Sparky out of the pocket of warmth he created so we could go on a walk at three in the morning. The houses on my street already have Christmas lights up and inflatable decorations that are going all night. I would have them on a timer, but we don’t have any decorations these days, though Caleb misses the ambiance of the soft light they provided inside. I sneak into Fallon’s house and wait with her while she finishes her oatmeal so she can give us both a ride to the airport.

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in Houston Airport: The Sentinels by Elizabeth DeLyria

I eat the grapes that I stuffed into my water bottle last night before I have to worry about what security will think because I went to bed hungry after having dinner at 4 pm. Not only is there holiday traffic today but the Navy decided to transfer a bunch of guys who are crowding the American Airlines counter. Good thing I’m flying Spirit and am sixth in line to go through the checkpoint. The agent opening the gate is friendly and full of jokes and though Fallon isn’t clocked in yet she’s there to hand me a piece of gum.

I’m the only one in the lounge for about an hour and it’s fantastic while I read and tune into the TV when it talks about rain on the west coast. A guy opens a sandwich next to me and it tells me that I’m hungry, but I forgot my other snacks. I debate getting up and check the airline website that sells muffins and BuzzBallz and I’m not about that party lifestyle so early so I slowly decide to put away my book and venture one gate away.

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reflections and lights landing in Tampa

I’m getting cold as we start to board with a 15-minute delay and I’m given the window seat and eventually the exit row too, but there seems to be some confusion as to the guy’s ability to handle the door. I thought it was an age thing, but apparently, he’s a litigation attorney and not willing to give his seat up for discrimination without an exchange of words as he attempts to get moved to the first row or be given a full refund. Turns out the attendant had to make a judgment call with the FAA on her side, but I feel bad for sitting here.

I tried to read and napped instead and woke up to a passenger in need of air with half the plane looking towards the back and a crew member carrying a portable emergency oxygen system that looked like a mini dive tank. There’s also a line for the water closet and it starts to smell like nacho farts. I’m feeling grateful I didn’t buy a drink so that I don’t have to wait in the aisle, especially as the seatbelt light comes on and the pilot asks people to return to their seats so we can land in Houston at George Bush Intercontinental Airport.

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Tampa toilet technology

I wait in line for another delayed departure, but it’s no big deal considering 30 million people are traveling today and it’s only a few minutes. The flight is an hour and a half and Caleb has an hour to himself at the hotel to think about dinner and “dessert.” I sat next to another reader on the flight, title of his book One Minute Millionaire, and now we’re both napping. My neck fell asleep; a sensation I’ve not felt before and the clouds are all white and smooth as I look out my window to the water below.

The plane making contact with the ground felt like landing a soda can full of rocks and the attendant comes over the speaker to tell us to “let social media know you were 11 minutes early because you’d let them know if you were late.” We stopped at Jack and Jill Adult Superstore to find something new to play with, on the way to dinner at Lemon Grass Thai Kitchen where I got the curry and Caleb the noodles, and we ordered their donuts for a new experience.

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steamy start to an evening

We’ve never had Thai donuts, which are like loukoumades (Greek donuts), but the nuts and sauce combo come served on the side which would come in handy when we got back to the room (I spit the nut part out so it wouldn’t scratch) and got to try some Nipple Nibblers tingle balm, Belgian waffle, after watching the second half of Inglorious Basterds.

 

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Chapulines in California

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We were in separate cars, me following Dad down the highway at 8 am, because I had agreed to join him and Caroline on their trip to Los Angeles. They were going a day early to be ready for their concert at the Walt Disney Concert Hall on Sunday afternoon. I would’ve preferred to set the cruise control and just drive, but Dad would rather do it differently, and even though I eventually passed them we were able to meet off Exit 144 in California for a roadside snack.

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driving into downtown Los Angeles

They got to the restaurant first while I got fuel and thought they’d order the small plate of carne asada fries. We needed 2-3 more people to help us eat the pile of food that was served for just $10. We still had about two hours before getting into LA. We would meet at the parking garage near FIDM (Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising) and walk to explore the small exhibit of a Napoleonic court gown and new ways of wearing jeans.

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The Fifth Element inspired fashion

We walk around downtown for two hours exploring the streets that Dad used to wander in his youth with a camera and curiosity at the same odd people found today – filming, sleeping, screaming, and dancing, etc. We take the Angels Flight funicular railway, all 298 feet of it, down to South Hill Street. The track was opened in 1901 and has been closed from ’69 to ’96 for redevelopment, 2001 to ’10 for a fatal injury, June to July 2011 for wheel replacement, and 2013 to ’17 for a minor derailment. The original cars, Olivet and Sinai, are still in use today.

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Angels Flight

Across the street is the Grand Central Market, a gathering hub for restaurants since 1917, and a place where plenty of people come to eat; which is why Dad finds it difficult to believe that I have not been here before. I let him know that I’ve spent more time exploring the beaches and mountains of LA county and have probably seen more of downtown San Francisco than I have of a city that is only a two-hour drive, on a good day, away from home. I should change that.

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inside the Bradbury

The Bradbury Building is open and inside I learn that it was built in 1893 and designed by George Wyman and Sumner Hunt. The film Blade Runner from 1982 is the advertised attraction here, but this beautiful landmark with a skylit atrium at five-stories high has provided the backdrop for over 30 movies since 1942 and remains the oldest commercial building in Los Angeles.

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Another historical landmark, the Million Dollar Theater, opened with the premiere of The Silent Man in 1918 as one of the earliest and largest cinemas with over 2,300 seats to include Charlie Chaplin, Mary Pickford, and Douglas Fairbanks, Sr. as guests. The detailed stucco design was based on the Churrigueresque style popular in Spain until 1750 and the façade of bison heads and girls strumming instruments was also a Spanish influence representing the arts.

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California Plaza

We drove to Guelaguetza Restaurante where they serve Oaxacan fare and are known for their varieties of mole, but that wasn’t the focus of tonight’s menu. I took Sparky out for a three-second walk while the car was parked via valet which is a great deal for $5 and two hours of parking in Koreatown since I could’ve spent 30 minutes looking for a $16 spot over a half mile away.

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wall art on S. Grand Ave., AT&T Switching Center

Caroline and I ordered horchata con tuna (not the fish, but with pieces of prickly pear and nuts) to sip on while we waited on our appetizer of chapulines — sautéed grasshoppers with jalapeños, onions, and tomatoes. They come in two taco shell bowls, generously over full, with a side of Oaxacan cheese, sliced avocados, and warm tortillas wrapped in groups of four. Caroline wants to be embarrassed for playing the touristy role as Dad takes out his phone flashlight to capture this moment with his other camera.

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cups of chapulines

I take one masa flour (main ingredient hominy) tortilla and wait my turn to grab a spoonful of tiny Sphenarium, the young of the most ancient, from the Triassic period, group of chewing herbivorous insects, that will help provide my protein intake for the evening. I take a bite and try not to focus on the baby bugs or their legs getting stuck in my teeth as I mentally agree to finish this handheld taco. Dad wants to know if I’ll have more while Caroline is busy spooning them into her mouth.

Next to arrive is the sampler platter with cups of mole: negro, rojo, coloradito, and estofado; all with shredded chicken and served with two cups of rice and a large 14″ tortilla. I will put a scoop of each on my small plate and try a slice of the tlayuda tortilla, an Oaxacan-style pizza, topped with a pork-rind paste (pig skin), black bean paste, queso fresco (raw cow’s milk), cabbage, tasajo (thinly sliced grilled beef), cecina (dry, salted beef), chorizo (pork meat and fat), and Oaxaca cheese. This will be the most meat and dairy I’ve had together in a long time, but I’m caught up in the moment.

The band had started and on Saturday nights it’s three guys on marimba with a percussionist and a vocalist that add to the background ambiance without drowning out the voices of the people you’re sitting with. The night was young as we had yet to try the Oaxaca dessert sampler of a blueberry tamale, rice pudding, cheese flan, and nicuatole (corn gelatin with milk and walnuts). I took my coffee to go at 7 pm so that I could get on the road and they could catch up with a local friend.

I stopped before getting on the highway to let Sparky out and am thankful for the coffee cup, as I poured the beverage into my reusable tumbler, as a post-dinner catcher. I’m open to trying new things, but this meal didn’t agree with me and I would spend half the ride home feeling their legs on my tongue again. The thought of it, along with the smell that had Sparky interested, was gross enough and I was sick again when I got home at 9 pm. I showered and washed the dog and went to bed around 11.

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Youthful Penumbra

There’s a joy to youth that if not learned how to develop into adult enjoyment will continue with frivolity and narcissism – as children are wont to do.

A great playwright once said that “If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, it’s research.” I’ve been copying what people around me do, even when I didn’t want to be like them because I wasn’t given permission to be different as a kid – don’t ask questions in school and don’t bring that knowledge home or encourage that behavior through books in the house or trips to the library.

My stepdad worried that I’d end up a pregnant teenager, but that usually happens to the uneducated or unmotivated in positive situations. I had a goal and a drive to stand out; a passion I didn’t want squashed by other people or the systems they were in – school, military, family. At some point, I let the sheep mentality take over that I was on the right path, even if it meant not developing myself while still checking things off my to-do list so that I could fit in on some level.

I’m encouraged to see others breaking out of society’s shell of conformity, of hating self and fearing the other. I too want to walk that trail again of exploration but with an increased vigor to grow along the way. Children learn so much but adults are burnt out on their lives and the lessons go unnoticed until offspring turn to drugs and other crutches to aid their disabilities because our society hasn’t been taught how to strive and cope in the utopia of freedom that is our present.

There is rarely a decent and strong role model that is willing to be honest with someone on all fronts whether for personal preservation or to uphold their public image. People come from a place of fear and shame and so they act on that to hurt others, not fully realizing the vicious cycle. What would you tell your twelve-year-old self? I would tell her to be honest with herself in all things and to practice the passion she wants to grow with new habits.

Life seems like forever but is also fleeting. I would tell her to slow down and be pickier about who she chooses to interact with. Decide who you are, in the many roles you will play, and be sure to be present every day for yourself and all the other species you share this planet with.

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