January 1 – Caleb picks me up from a cruise ship where I’m wearing a bra and nonslip stockings. We pass a ray sanctuary and are allowed to feed them. A man rolls my ear, and I pass the test for him to use my ear and nose to play flute, which feels awesome. We leave there to explore more of Big Island, get passed by some people on horses, then we’re in the car again and come up to a snowy area, where it’s too late to see the covered barricade bars among the trees. We saw a car reversing and thought we could make it, so I’m apologizing to Caleb as I slow-mo fall into the snowy water below, as he somehow was able to hold on. I didn’t jump awake but slowly woke myself.

January 2 – A guy is coming down the hill in his wheelchair for the third time that day, and I stop him again, but this time I put his chair on its side until someone can unbuckle him. I carry him but let his legs hang for a change. We get back to the house and try a piece of candy we’re both expecting to be sweet, but it has a sour outside, and I laugh at his facial expression that probably matched mine. It can be boring and irritating to always see the world from one point of view, so it’s nice when that can change. It’s kind to try and see the world from other angles, as it makes others’ lives easier.

January 3 – I have a cast boot on my right foot, so while most of my group is eating ice cream, the line lets me cut so I can use Rentz’s large bank card for the cashier to enter manually. Also in his wallet are stencils, memories of childhood. I grab his jacket, hobble towards the full table, and find an exit door so I can eat outside after telling the guard lady that I’m in the wedding party. He’ll come outside too, only to tell me he’s torn his shirt hem, then start to run and use a skateboard that he expanded from somewhere. I yell after him that I can’t run in the boot. (Caleb said I yelled gross at some point.)

January 4 – I’m with Dan, but I’m helping clean up this woman’s garage. She has her friend offer them the hot side of a long double-barreled rifle. As I go to put something in her large pond, on the opposite, farthest side of where I should be, a giant fish, like a baby whale size, pops up and gives me the kiss of death, falls over and breaks the aquarium tank wall, spilling me, it, and all else onto this woman’s yard. It’s no wonder she didn’t want Dan and his other friend there anymore. She had tried to help him many times, but he did nothing for her.

January 5 – I get off the bus at Simmons’ or one of the Brandon’s houses and forgot to click out, so I come back and surprise Eric, (who gets a call from J. Terry as she speaks Spanish. I have to use the glass-walled bathroom upstairs, because downstairs is full of terds and paper,) by mimicking the guy blowing on fire on screen while dressed in a costume.

January 10 – I’m running to catch a train with Mom’s new husband and his teenage kids, just after their mom passed, and agree they can wait to call her mom.

A fly takes advantage of a bug stuck in a spider’s web after showing him some pictures, and the bug says they’re not compatible, so he lets him choke on it.

January 11 – I have an assignment, and some of the kids don’t want to listen to me. At one point, I yell, “You try not to be listened to, and see how it makes you feel!” We were looking at an old robe, and I found a single-string ukulele-like instrument that played a super high pitch at one point. I get back to the classroom, and the class is singing Jingle Bells like that will distract the professor. I go to the bathroom, and a girl tries to fold the glass door in half until I scream for the third time to please stop, and she finally relents.

A guy, who reminds me of Shane, shows me his eye color under his glass one, then drops it, flushes it, and tries to blame me. Caleb splashes loo water in Shane’s face and tries to fix the problem. Meanwhile, I move on to talking about baking with Dustin after getting the dust out of the pans.

January 12 – I thought I’d broken my right ulnar bone at the wrist, but I still tried to escape with a man and a cow that we rinsed some of the mud from. We try to misdirect whoever is following us, but they’ve beaten us to the end, so we’ll lock ourselves in a kitchen while the man offers a transfusion to keep the chef alive.

January 17 – I find Sparky at this mansion of a place and will take him with me, of course. Lil Rachel shows me the elevator and other fancy stuff. We stay the night after a day out in a new country, and I want to stay, but Frederick says we need to go. I’m so happy to meet up with Caleb later and show him how much weight Sparky has gained.

January 20 – Three guys from work at Auto have a dance off with three of the five members from a ’90s boy band.

January 23 – We stop to check out a historic house, Tiff and Eric beat me in there, but I’m asking someone else to help me find my phone. There’s a family that lives there with a rabbit and a kitten. They have mirrors that look like bubbled tint and white, mostly unlit, candles everywhere. The mom, Tiff’s aunt, is expecting more family, and these kids come in with their siblings in car seats while I’m doing pistol squats and trying to think of the 50 states because the mom told her son to list them before he could do something else.

January 25 – Tiff, Eric, and I find a time capsule of a place with lots of Mom’s things, like a mini pin map of some North America travels and cold beers in the freezer. Tiff was living with the parents in the bunkhouse with a handicap toilet installed.

February 4 – Sparky was there, trying to lick my face. Deanna was telling about me feeding rock stars candy as they walked down an aisle. Alejandra did not like my wet hand on her cheek. I’ve experienced love before, and I won’t lose it.

I go out to celebrate, and James from high school is talking down to this girl like a child, so I thought they were joking, but it was so she would be in proper uniform the next day. The staff brings us wrapped crackers, two drinks, and a bowl of cut-up hot dogs… wtf.

February 8 – I go out with the guys from work, a military job, and end up crashing on their couch. In the morning, I finish my drink and put my toe socks back on next to one of their girlfriends and say bye to their dog before leaving. One of the guys threw me a set of keys, and we’re trying to get out of the building before being seen by our boss. There’s a thick metal round staircase, and I’m able to catch a ride down to the elevator and make room for the guys behind me. On the elevator, a woman tries to complain to a higher-up, who says something to me about my drunk makeup and uses her finger to fix my mascara smudge. The lift stops, and this tall man with crutches gets on. Weirdly, I move to the other side to give space while the rest stay packed as a safety barrier so he doesn’t get tossed around in his bent-over position.

February 14 – We’re getting out of the car to go snorkeling, and I reach out to touch a sea turtle that bites me. It could’ve been worse, but my hand is ok, and we take off on a watery roadway to end up near some golfers. The first guy tells us the other side of the range is a good spot, but we’re not sure how to get there. We start to get lost in the village, and then I’m arguing with Tiff on which direction to go, and end up exploring a bathroom and finding orange cream lollipops in another room. Tiff wants to meet me back at the room, so I let her go, see a stretch of planes and a suitcase in a tree, museum-like. Then it’s suddenly too dark to see. I sit in the dirt to grab my phone light, and Deanna is asking me where I’m going as the room isn’t hers. I was gifted giant coral shell pieces on a necklace for holding my breath, and debated wearing it in the water.

February 15 – I’m visiting friends in England, and two guys get in a car duel of sorts. The guy in the back truck jumps into the other guy’s truck to pull him into the truck bed by his hair, and he falls past the tailgate as his long hair gets stuck in the wooden window planter shelf, as his truck goes into a shop. The neighborhood comes out to watch while one woman questions the guys together. I was eating chocolate, and my feet are sweaty. I’ll accidentally poke Jason S. in the eye, and as I giggle because we were just talking about people having their hands close but “I’m not touching you,” the girl next to me says, “I love you,” as in I love your humor and personality. I love you too.

February 27 – I’m in a fancy airport with a pre-teen, and I have to watch his mom make him cry. We look at fancy tables and grab some free cookies after he knocks them on the floor. I go to the bathroom and notice free soap and blankets. I am trying to choose, but there’s another woman in there pushing everything to the side as she tries to find something too.

March 17 – Two old ladies want to check my smelly suitcase as I leave the cafeteria. I was shoving rags in there to catch the soap or liquid that had leaked, but as they checked, my collection continued to change to more skulls, as one had said it smelled like death. I had said they could be playing Scrabble or somehow better enjoying their time, but soon grew curious as to what was happening and demanded answers. The skulls were collectibles, not dead animals.

March 26 – Three of J’s school friends are chasing Caleb and me down, first on their bikes, then we’re in cars. We open a gate to hide behind, but that doesn’t work either. We end up at one of the kids’ houses and see the daughter hug her dad a bunch. The mom offers Caleb food, a heavily loaded bean dip chip, that he eats. The dad shakes our hands and gives us a weird hug and ass grab after our conversation. We get back to the gate, and there are two vehicles on the property. A woman has called the police. I agree that we’ll wait and pay for any lawn damage.

March 30 – I hang out with both dogs, and though I give them treats, I realize they don’t need to eat. Piggy still pees on something. The class is let go for the holiday break. My coworkers assure me no overtime, so while some of them go to a lab, I’m leaving at two minutes before clock-out at 4 pm.

May 1 – We’re at an old store, and there’s an even older elevator you can try. I pass the two old ladies who seem scared, only to turn around myself after feeling like I’ve tried it before, and it just drops to the floor. I set off to find Caleb after remembering that with the time difference, we will now be late getting back, as if getting there at 2 am or close to it, and then going to work in a few hours was any better.

May 7 – I enjoy a nice swim and meet Grandma Karen on the beach. We make our way out to a diner on the water, away from the hotel room where Caleb is with the adjoining empty room and friends. Grandma’s friend is busy, but she insists that we wait. I’m starting to fall asleep, and I’m getting dry and not wanting to swim back in the dark. I try to send Caleb a message to let him know where I am. This guy asks what I do, and I tell him I sell barber supplies. Grandma says I’m looking to get into selling shoes, and he says he’d fuck a sexy biologist. I tell him I’m terrible at science, and he leaves.

May 15 – I’m chasing someone as I’m also being chased. I get stopped by the chaser, and as I’m running outside to jump the fence, I wake myself and Caleb with “What the fuck?!” The chaser wanted nothing to do with the group. I knew who was after them.

May 17 – I go outside for something with Cristal A., and she sees the tweezers in my hand as we try to run back. I think we’ve found our way, as I realize we’re near Melzer’s and ask a lady for a ride back to the main intersection. I apparently try to write this down on the first cordless home phone we had growing up and realize the battery is dead, so I “wake up” to Caleb shoving two blocks of cheese into his mouth. It looks uncomfortable, so I roll over so I don’t have to watch. (When I actually wake up, again, before 4 am, he’s taking a shower.)

May 21 – I was walking with Caleb, and he recognized a woman from a movie. He called down to her, but once we met up, he left for our room, and she wanted to show me something. She went from a white blonde to an Asian with a black bob, sitting next to her friend, same haircut, showing me the cameras of her space.

May 23 – I have to pee, so I ask for the bathroom in this massive place. I go to the room behind the dryer, as directed, but it’s small, humid, and there’s a trash can in the toilet/ashtray, and the toilet paper is gross. I think I’m sneaking upstairs, but someone else joins me. My visit is ruined because the butler, after I hit my head on a large wooden picture frame, thinks I’m too drunk to be on the second floor and insists I use another bathroom downstairs. I sneak into this girl’s room, but she doesn’t want me using hers either, so I have to climb over her crap to get out.

May 25 – I step into a python’s mouth to help a kid get out of its den.

May 29 – I’m late for my dentist appointment because I stopped for snacks, and Kristie is behind the bar.
I put half a bagel on Mom’s leg because I can’t hear her. I missed my other appointment because I was helping Deanna with something, and this guy offered me a mini-puzzle if I picked one out, but I got distracted looking at other ones.

May 31 – I wake to, “You didn’t exhale.”