I Didn’t Bring Cash

I kept waking up but with no hand to hold and no car to jump into to drive a bit I let the darkness and sound of rain put me back to sleep. I forget my mask amongst the list of things I’ve shoved into my waterproof coat and am reminded by a sign in a hardware store. I’ll bring my camera, phone, keys (one for the outside door, one for the flat, one for my room, and one for the broken lock), credit card, and Oyster card; leaving my coffee cup, umbrella, and tiny shopping bag behind.

I made a few lists before my flight — National Parks, World Heritage Sites, English Heritage, Natural Trust, hiking trails, tour routes, restaurants, things to do, foods to try, and a few parks I could spend the day in. On one of those was the idea to see Dinosaur Park at Crystal Palace, so I decided to walk the two miles there and was sure to grab my mask but this time out the door I forgot today’s itinerary that I went through the trouble of making.

I pass two restaurants that seem to have good offerings on their menu and I’m thinking I’ll get a sandwich of sorts for takeaway, but it’s not till I reach Arin Cafe and decide to sit at one of the distancing tables that I feel hungry enough to order. The owner brings me a menu from another table and suggests a coffee with my meal. We have a hiccup when I go to the counter to pay because he takes cash and tells me there’s an ATM at the Tesco Express on the corner. I was going to leave my coat as collateral but he trusts me and tells me to take it since it’s raining out. I put my credit card in the machine, thinking about how this will be my first cash advance, but no luck. I go inside hoping to pay for someone’s groceries if they’ll give me the cash I need.

This guy has the cash but isn’t willing to take the deal so the cashier suggests I go to the post office store next door where another guy has the money too but this place takes debit only. I go back to the grocery store and this guy isn’t willing to part with his coins, as I’m still trying to pay for his milk, because it only covers part of my cost. These people make me feel like a beggar instead of a trader and perhaps that’s the local mindset. I return to the restaurant and he can tell by my demeanor that I didn’t have luck, so he simply suggests I come back tomorrow, no problem; maybe not for him but it’s going to bug me.

I walk to the train station, debate looking around the park first because I’m so close but ride back to get my debit card as I think about how I let the covid situation change my travel usual — always bring some cash for moments like this, even if you assume everywhere will be contactless or chip payment. These guys say hi to me as they smoke hand-rolled cigarettes outside a barbershop and after a short conversation I’m on my way to remove the inner lining of my coat because of the heat but realize doing so would leave me wet during the quick-dry process. I’d have talked longer if they weren’t smoking as I remind myself this trip is like no other. My only goal is to be outside after having outside locked away for a seemingly long time.

I’m on my way back to the train station with determination when one of the guys from earlier, Daniel, who is British-Jamaican, is getting his dog Boskoe (possibly named after the LA rapper of same name fame) from an alley and putting him in the boot of his car. I understand the trunk is open to the rest of the interior but I’m burning up outside and can’t imagine the sauna that dog is about to encounter… that is, until I experience it when Daniel is impressed with my story and offers to take me to the cafe because he believes that 70% of people in my position just wouldn’t go back.

The owner is glad I returned to pay for my discounted breakfast and offers me a coffee. I can’t decline and before I leave ask if he makes Turkish coffee, but that’s a treat for his home as he offers the British what they prefer, for the last 15 years, of which the last dozen have been in this location. Daniel’s car is still there 30 minutes later. Don’t worry, I did come out and ask if he wanted anything but he was fine playing on his phone. I thanked my driver who decided it was a good idea if him and his dog join me on a walk. I’m not averse to the company, especially when they’re willing to do what I want. We parked in a puddle on Crystal Palace Park Rd and Caleb called as we made our way left over muddy path and under wet trees.

My husband gets interrupted by work calls but each time Daniel gives me space while pointing things out and asking for directions. He would see the dinosaurs with me and wanted to show me the maze — deal. We walk by Bowl Lake, past a dog that doesn’t listen (most are off their leads and behave) so I carry it back to the walker via its vest harness so she can re-leash him. To our right is what the 1936 fire left of the palace built for the 1851 Great London Exhibition of the technology and arts of England’s empire that was moved to its current location three years later to be the centerpiece of attractions that went bankrupt before they burned.

We continue past a sports center that we return to so I can use the loo (an informal British term for toilet that originated in the 1940s), and by part of Lower Lake before realizing the dinosaurs are hidden among the trees of this oddly-shaped body of water. The most accurate model is of the extinct Irish Elk, having roamed Europe and Central Asia just 8,000 years ago. The male shed his antlers annually and an original pair sat on the sculpture but were removed because the body was too weak to support the massive fossilized bone. Antlers are found in the deer (elk, moose, chital, muntjac) family, are an extension of the skull, and grow from the tip. Horns are found in the bovine (bison, sheep, antelope) family, are composed of keratin on the outside and bone at the core, and grow from the base.

We happen upon a statue, listed Grade II (worthy of every effort of preservation), that was erected in 1961 to honor Guy the Gorilla who arrived to the London Zoo on Guy Fawkes Night in 1947. He was a gentle giant, known for his kindness towards birds that flew into his cage, and preferred the attention of people and their sweets to the company of Lomie, who he met at 25 years old. It was the abundance of treats that would lead to a tooth infection and his death in 1978. His story is the epitome of how people should strive to be — considerate till death and then set free, but we choose our sins over dignity. (The guy is Sir Joseph Paxton M.P. who created the palace.)

The maze will be harder to find, as it’s on the opposite side of the small lake we passed first, and once we do it’s a closed gate we arrive at. This maze dates back to 1870 and in 1909 a group of girls formed Girl Guides, which now has over ten million members. They worked with Brook and Black, and others, to refurbish the maze for the girls’ centenary celebration, but to create something for the local community that would also attract international visitors — and it worked.

On our way out of the park, Daniel throws some crisps at a duckling but attracts all the pigeons within sight who commence fighting over chip crumbs. We managed to spend the afternoon at the park and I get dropped off around 5p. I’ll talk with Caleb again as I explore what’s down the street to the right — historic home of William Walker (the deep sea diver who saved Winchester Cathedral), fish markets, Caribbean food restaurants, a Polish grocery, and mini grocers among other shops that may be closed for now or forever.

I’ll buy an egg and cress sandwich for dinner. They don’t seem like much but they’re an England staple, just as lentil soup is in the Middle East (at least for vegetarians). I tried using self checkout and ended up in queue for the cashier so I could insert my contactless card. Doing so requires a signature and this bewilders the man enough to ask his coworker for help who tells me to sign the receipt. Sometimes banks use the insert and enter PIN for verification between transactions and some cards come with limits for fast spending on cheap items to keep the line moving in the morning.

I get to enjoy a 100-104°F shower, in the hot tub heat range, and want one with a temperature knob for winter and summer settings. I walked 12 miles today and gained about 200 feet in elevation. Yesterday I walked half as far but more than double in stairs climbing out of the underground. With the on and off rain I don’t have as many pictures as I would if the weather were drier and appreciate that my camera fits perfectly inside my coat with me.

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Not My First Choice

London from the clouds

After multiple, albeit weak, attempts at getting to Turkey in the hopes that I could road trip during this unknown time, I decided to use the same airline to get me to London instead. Some countries aren’t accepting guests, others want strict quarantine with an app, insurance, and a tracking device. Some countries didn’t seem to care while others tried to enforce their mask-wearing (or face covering) policies. Initially, I was going to come for three days and hope that my visa got approved overnight, but Caleb told me to extend in the off chance that I got to see outside, something we both miss, and because he’d be at work anyway.

The convenience of covid is that airlines allow unlimited changes to your schedule, if they haven’t canceled that route, and only sometimes do you pay a price difference if it’s significant, so I extended my trip for two weeks. Caleb is also living vicariously through me during this as he has yet to have a break this year because he doesn’t consider house arrest a vacation when he has to video conference with the boss and various departments for half the day and be available throughout the night when the crew needs his advice, which is often. We both agree he seems too young to be in his position, but I love seeing him in charge.

Caleb was able to delay going into work today so that he could spend the morning with me. We went out to a restaurant for the first time in eight months which seems ridiculous to say because even in my poor childhood we found a birthday or other reason for celebrating monthly that would give us reason to splurge. We went to Dome, because it’s close and our choice would have to be open this early, open at all, and have outside dining, which is still the law. The waitress takes our names and numbers; some places only need one person’s data (no more than groups of 6) as long as they can contact the others.

I was the only person at the counter getting my ticket printed because I forgot that I checked in online (which hasn’t been an option since the airlines were required to check if you were allowed into your destination as some people were getting stuck in the airport of their connecting flight). I was also the only one going through security and think this is the closest I’ll come to knowing the loneliness of those too wealthy or too popular to mingle with the rest of us peasants. Then again, they have their limo, jet crew, and security detail to keep them company. I’ve got time to spare but only half an airport to explore. I suppose it makes sense with the decreased flight schedule and leaves less space to sanitize frequently, but I wonder if they’ll still use this building once the sickness is over and the new airport can open or if they’ll demolish it and build another park, hotel, and mall… or keep the structure for a themed space.

train view in black and white

I send Caleb a picture of the incredible prices at the airport and he responds about the ridiculous taxes in-country, but these are half-off deals at companies that have managed to stay in business and are trying to keep it that way or it’s a covert going-out-of-business sale, but I just don’t need booze, cigs, perfume, and purses so I continue to walk while keeping my bags, coat, and boots within eyesight so that they’re not deemed abandoned and immediately destroyed, as that’s not an empty threat in Bahrain.

Passengers have to go through a secondary security point and I’m just as surprised as the agent at the image on the screen. I should’ve tried to sneak a picture but I stared harder trying to make out what it could be that made it look like I had a large knife in my bag. The agent takes it to a table and I reassure him my panties and chargers don’t bite. I held onto my nail clippers and he took my bag through the x-ray again with no problem, nevermind the coffee mug full of water (because it seals better than my same size water bottles) or clear bag of soaps (as I’m not sure what will be available at my Airbnb’s). This is just another reason I love to travel… not always knowing the rules or if they’ll be enforced, but I packed according to the strictness of London. I will take my camera out separately and all my liquids without discriminating on their small size… as they get me every time for a packet of marmite or lip gloss.

This is the first time I’ve seen the airline or this airport for that matter (with all the different languages of travelers) try to enforce boarding by zones. People assume that Arabic is the most popular language here just because it’s the official one, but which variation and dialect you are most likely to encounter depends on which neighborhood or geographical background the speaker comes from. You’re most likely to encounter Arabic when dealing with the ministry as it’s a requirement of the job. Gulf Arabic only makes up 5% of the population, the lowest of 19 Arabic-speaking countries. Other popular languages in Bahrain are Balochi, Persian, Urdu, Malayalam, Hindi, Nepali, Bengali, Amharic, and English for the Americans, British, South Africans, etc. In contrast, California is comprised of 58% English and 28% Spanish speakers, which is why I still study Spanish, German, Turkish, and Russian so that I have a bit of varied vocabulary to help me while living and traveling in various countries.

I’m sitting calmly on the plane until this dirty kid crouches in the aisle seat while his parents get their tickets figured out. His mom takes his shoes off and his feet look like he walked to the airport through the mud. He has multiple lollypops in his hand that he shoves completely in his mouth leaving his left side a sticky mess that he doesn’t mind putting on the seat before putting back on his candy-stained tongue. He has plastic cutlery in his other hand. His mom has to get up to tend to his younger brother and he hops into the seat next to mine. I tell the kid he needs a wet wipe.

sunset from the train

His mom puts him back upon her return and Gulf Air lets me know that “using your own wipes might decrease effectiveness of our disinfectant.” It’s a good thing I don’t plan on murdering all the bacteria within reach, not sure why that made me think of DDT. I return to my reading and this quote couldn’t have come at a better time, “Take a cold shower before acting impetuously (acting quickly without thought)” as I’m hoping to use this trip to slow down, think more, and appreciate the mundane again.

The dad gives the younger son a sucker for each hand, one of which almost ends up in the hair of the guy sitting in front of him. I really do take advantage of not knowing what has happened before me or around me unless someone encroaches on my seat physically. I take this same mental approach when sleeping in used beds, using someone else’s towel, and any public space where anything could’ve occurred, as sometimes there’s still evidence.

We were served lunch and I gave my crackers to the little boy and he was having fun playing with them until he made his mom wear them and got his tray taken away. His older sister, the middle sibling, is visiting his seat in an attempt to calm him. There’s no social distancing here, unless you count one flight every other day as limiting the people filling seats, though having all the window seats filled on an otherwise empty plane isn’t good for business or planet either. I give him my salt packet next and he eats half of it before I can take it back. I get a look at my mask and realize why I don’t wear white around food. It’s a good thing I brought a spare like the airline recommended.

The sister moves into the seat next to mine and I let her use my screen, since hers doesn’t work, to watch Nella the Princess Knight, a British-American-Irish animated series with a unicorn. I gave her disposable headphones so she could pass out on her mom until the baby was dropped into that seat so that the mom could go lean on her husband. I help keep the boy asleep by holding him off the floor, patting his side, and letting him hold my arm while his sister takes what leftover space she can get to sleep. Meanwhile, I fight the urge to rest until the burn in my eyes feels like they’ve been rubbed with red onion and japaleño.

Portland Rd, South Norwood

I watch a bit of Call of the Wild on the screen in front of me before waking the kids when the 20 minutes to landing is announced. I take a picture and short video with the mom’s phone of the third layer of clouds we’ll descend through over the Thames river. I’m first in line for passport control until some guy in a uniform takes me to the side (really in between the UK and not-UK residents lines) to understand that I’m here for a visa run, don’t have a job, and my husband works in Bahrain. I still get through in seconds thanks to the automated system.

There are so many staff who seem to be waiting just to help me. I don’t mean to look lost but the last time I was here I had my navigator with me and had done some pre-planning. There’s plenty of apps for the London transit system, but finding the one that works best can be the least of your worries if you don’t know exactly where you’re going. I had put in the wrong address thanks to auto-fill and then lost service going underground. I asked a guy for general directions before learning there are a multitude of stops in any one area and a four-minute train ride can be a 40 minutes walk. He said he didn’t know but then approached me to show the route he’d found and by then I’d regained signal on my phone. I was hoping to skip downtown (for price and distance) but forgot to look up the route for my first Airbnb which is further from the airport but on a direct line to London Bridge (north into the city) and Brighton (on the south coast).

Two hours after buying my Oyster card and I’m getting off at the right station, Norwood Junction, that’s closest to where I’m staying on Portland Rd about an eight minutes walk away. The first thing I notice, besides the warm 65°F weather is the lack of masks being worn on the street. They’re required on public transportation or you’ll be fined increasingly, per offense, to a max penalty of roughly $8,000. All shops and restaurants have signs posted to wear a mask unless exempt (not all disabilities are visible) and a QR code, except at grocery stores, where you scan in for the country’s track-and-trace program.

I’m greeted by the host on the street corner as I look for the right door. It’s behind the building and above the shops. I set my bags down after my very short tour of the kitchen, bathroom, two rooms I don’t see, and my room with a loft bed, five-foot mirror, cushioned chair, four hangers, and a hanging closet organizer with a notebook and pen. There’s a small table with a bottle of water and a card with the wifi password. I talk with Caleb as I walk around looking for food and settle on lentil chips and hummus from Sainsbury’s. I consider how late I’m eating and realize if I stop I’ll fall asleep regardless of the noise outside and the neighbors above. I get to meet the kitten of the flat and her Polish owner who offers me a tour of the kitchen (washer, fridge, cabinet with sink above, and oven with more cabinets above) before excusing herself to her room for tea.

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April 2020 Q&A

1. Who are you fooling?
These salty deviled eggs.

2. Who do you feel closest to?
My daily walks and Caleb when he has time off.

3. Did you have fun today? Because?
Yes, I looked at virus memes, went shopping, and took selfies.

4. If you could wish for one thing to happen today, what would it be?
I’d wish for kindness.

bioluminescent algae

5. … was inspiring.
The Thai ginger kombucha that I had… makes me want to make my own one day.

6. What was the last take-out meal you ordered?
A breakfast burrito on the 1st.

7. What colors are you wearing?
Blue, black, and grey mostly — pajamas, tights, shirts, and night socks, orange bra and socks, a rainbow of panties, a rose gold watch with a pink band, white gold ring.

8. What is your secret passion?
To be a stand-up comedian, but it’s recent, as I’ve never put in the time to write out material or been able to record myself when I’m on a roll, telling a story about my ridiculous past.

9. Where do you feel most at home?
Anywhere that there can be quiet, where I can be heard, and feel loved.

10. A chore you ignored today…
dishes

11. What sound effect are you most like today?
Argh, the feeling I got watching Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile, a film about Ted Bundy, someone I remember referencing in the 4th grade.

12. Write down a new fact you recently learned.
Strict Hasidic Jew communities require women to shave their heads as a sign they’ve given up that part of their beauty to be more dutiful to their husbands and family.

covid construction

13. What is your favorite thing to do on a Sunday morning?
Eat Caleb’s biscuits and gravy or cinnamon rolls, and then go for a walk.

14. If you could acquire a talent (without any extra effort), what would it be?
I wouldn’t want it. The fun is in the adventure, the path taken to get to the destination.

15. Which celebrity would you want to interview?
no answer

16. What’s a political issue that interests you?
How the COVID-19 issue is going to affect voting in November.

covid pool

17. What do you think is your biggest shortcoming?
Focusing too much on myself sometimes.

18. Write down a problem you solved today.
I switched books so I could pick up some reading speed and enjoyment.

covid poolside

19. What famous person would you bring back from the dead to have dinner with?
Stand-up comedian, George Carlin, to enjoy a laugh… or Robin Williams, to meet one of the people on my mom’s list (to include Oprah and Ellen, still living).

20. How many times did you curse today?
Not much. I spent the day reading “Tender Is The Night”, cutting up fruits and veggies, boiling eggs, running faster, and walking Zeus.

21. What do you want to say when someone asks, “What do you do?”
Whatever the hell I want, but mostly run a lot, eat healthy, love my husband, read books, scuba dive, travel frequently, make crafts with Justin, and laugh as much as possible.

22. You wish you could stop … from happening.
Caleb and I from being apart, and soon we won’t have to spend another night apart.

23. How would your parents describe you?
Distant, since Dad doesn’t want to see me during this coronavirus issue stand down, which bums me out because I wouldn’t mind being there having conversations and eating vegetables.

24. Is life fair? Yes? No? Sometimes? Not today?
Life only seems unfair from your limited perspective, but of course, it’s only following nature: sometimes you get away with it, sometimes you get caught, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. 

25. Who do you need to call?
I wait for Caleb to call me. He’s getting underway for a few days, so I will check my email.

26. How much spare change do you have?
A bunch of quarters that I brought from Bahrain.

27. What “type” of person are you?
Outgoing, adventurous, and willing to try new things.

28. Who would you trade places with for just one day?
Someone who would make me appreciate more just how lucky I am.

29. Who can you make happier? How?
Me, by changing my perspective and how I choose to handle situations.

30. What are three words to describe your social life?
Busy adults, loud children, a fluffy dog, and a long-distance husband.

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March Q&A

1. How could today have been better?
I could’ve woken up without being sick. I feel much better but the congestion is still there. I’m debating travel as the virus doesn’t seem to be stopping others from following through with their plans. 

2. Salty or sweet?
I love sweet. My life is sweet right now and I’m so grateful for it, even if I feel sad while I’m sick and can’t be up and about and as productive. 

3. Did you sleep alone last night?
No, but I also didn’t go to sleep till around 1am.  

4. What would you like to ask your mother?
How do you think I turned out?

5. What’s your favorite word (right now)?
Right, I didn’t realize how common it was until I took my American way of saying it to another country, which also changed the way I say “as well”.

6. Who’s your nemesis?
Past mistakes and present ways of dealing with them, though we enjoyed couple’s massage and a candlelit dinner at home to relax and wind-down. 

7. It’s not a good idea to experiment with…
proven healthy ways of dealing with food and immunizations to reduce the spread of disease. This virus should be an eyeopener to the world to slow down, close sometimes, and clean more often. 

8. What’s the last song you listened to?
I remember listening to Ingrid Michaelson on the 6th.

9. A person you wanted to ignore today…
no one, it’s easy to go days without speaking to others unless I reach out or go out.

10. What was the last movie you rented?
BlacKkKlansman, a 2018 American biographical crime drama.  

11. What was something you wanted today, but couldn’t have?
To either make candles with Justin or help organize John’s paperwork.

12. Where do you live?
Wherever I happen to be at the moment, Bahrain, and San Diego. 

13. If you could add one hour to your day, what would you do with it?
Spend it with Caleb. 

14. What is true?
Coronavirus has changed the way the world does things, at least temporarily, but hopefully in the longterm too. 

15. What do you not want to talk about?
The coronavirus and its effects on travel, health, and toilet paper… because people aren’t civil when they have power or herd mentality.

16. What do you want to buy?
A bamboo stool for the toilet.  

17. What new activity have you tried?
Self-isolating for days. 

18. In three words, describe your spirituality.
existential, curious, scientific

19. Describe your work ethic.
I will complete a task when given it, but I also don’t have a job.

20. What was the last book you read?
Six Thinking Hats, a waste of paper mostly, but a nice idea for an article.

21. The first thing you ate today was?
A blueberry waffle with butter and vanilla corn syrup.

22. Jot down a news story from today.
More states close and more people die from coronavirus.

23. Are you country or rock ’n roll or…
“songs that remind him of the good times”

24. What did you daydream about today?
Running.

25. … made you laugh
Coronavirus memes

26. Who do you aspire to be like?
A version of me who is more zen, motivated, and healthier.

27. When was the last time you felt like you were on top of the world?
Seeing Caleb’s face this morning.

28. What do you want to remember about today?
Walking, shopping, reading, grapes, and texting.

29. Write down a few lines from a song or poem that you identify with today.
“I’m locked up.. won’t let me out.” “Hello from the inside…”

30. Pick a color for today.
Green, I worked on a picture of two birds and branches with gel pens, walked past green grass, and drank out of a shade of green cup.

31. What inventions can you not live without?
Cell phone for text, call, photos, email, notes, etc.

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Here’s to Another Dozen

wp-1583568133738.jpg

Here’s to the man who has known me for 15 years and has always loved me the most,

who is not afraid to see me or scared that I’ll get boring, and always supports me,

who is willing to try new things and watch me grow as we both change,

who has carried me the furthest and held me the longest,

who stays up to listen to me laugh, cry, or mumble till we both fall asleep,

who kisses my tears and wipes my snot and reminds me why to smile,

who has held my heart and fought to protect it by using his own,

the man I miss the moment he walks out the door, he could be gone for months or more.

Marriage is a dance that requires daily effort and attention,

every day is a tiny celebration that builds on the lasting love that we have made.

You always put me first and though as the years go by,

the types of anniversaries we share grow,

our love is what remains.

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